Parent in their 90’s is blind, hard of hearing and maybe mild dementia.

POA does not mean the person assigned is the only one who can care for the principle. There are lots of people who do the caring while another sibling holds the purse strings. Me personally would not care for someone 24/7 if I did not have medical and financial POA. The POA makes the decisions but other members of the family can help.

POA is a tool and mostly a financial one. They don't have to do the physical care, they can hire someone with the principles money. Maybe a good thing would be to get Office of Aging or Adult Protection Services in to evaluate Moms situation. There are resourses for the blind. Hearing aides and devices. She may be able to get an aide.

If your mother is blind and hard of hearing she cannot live alone anymore. It is not safe. Either she needs to have caregivers in the house or she needs to be in a facility.

After my father (95) went into SNF my mother (95) was living alone and she is deaf with mobility issues. She refused to consider any alternative other than dying in her house. She had aides coming in 8 hours a day but it was not enough. So we had to wait for the next crisis, which came in August when she was hospitalized for Covid. We were fortunate to be able to transfer her to the SNF where my father is. Not a perfect situation but it is better than the stress of wondering what's going on with mother when I'm not there. I had spent every other month with her. Not the greatest arrangement but it was what I could offer.

I think you are going to have wait for the hospitalization crisis which will happen soon. Then your mother, you siblings and you will have decisions to make.

Shorty, my situation is very similar to yours, and I gotta tell you it really stinks. I'm on here all the time venting.

It's hard! As for diagnosis of dementia. For me I don't see what having my mom diagnosed will change anything, or finding the level she is at. Mom 88, your parents in 90s, dementia happens, 75 percent of 85 year olds have some dementia going on.

I have no control, mom lives alone, and my POA brother is always traveling for work, or taking care of his poor health, he has to have a procedure once a month for his esophagus for pre cancer, that takes him a week to heal. But won't give up POA.. He is the golden child according to him he does everything. Haha. Mom actually gets annoyed with me because I don't worship him. Mom won't even put me on her doctors emergency call list.

Me and my older brother do all the stopping in and getting her what she needs. My brother won't see there is anything wrong with this situation.

So the only thing I can do is wait for mom to have an emergency and have to go to the hospital. When that happens if my brother brings her home , I'm done, considering being done anyways.

The worry and stress this brings me just sucks. I'm learning to let it go. Specially when Mom was asked right in front of me to put me on emergency call, and she said no. My feelings are dieing and I'm learning to not care. When she pops up in my worries I shake it off. Treating it now like I'm taking care of an aunt. .

If she falls and dies at home , it will be her wish and what she wants. It sucks for me and my older brother, but it is what it is.

I'm sorry for all your going through I feel your pain. Let us know more about your situation and we might have better advice for you, sence most of what I just wrote was about me, and not very much helpful information.

If you want to learn more about a possibility of where your moms at or about dementia in general, Google Teepa Snow on YouTube, she explains it all, so well.
Best of luck

It's hard being in a place of concern but no control.

How big are your concerns?

Milder concerns eg about socialisation & activity?
Medium concerns over 'aging in place' & how this will progress?
Or very large concerns over risks that carry high danger?

My High Risk List has any of;
Falls
Fears - sundowning or wandering from home looking for 'home'
Fire - poor mobility to get out, unsafe cooking
Fraud - poor decision making leading to being taken advantage of

It can happen that some family members take a nothing to see here approach.. "it's fine, it's fine, all good, no probs" whereas others see risks.

There can also be very different values behind people's vision. Eg different ideas about HOME.
Let's keep Mom at home as long as possible VS let's get more company & care.

Do you live local to Mom? Are you able to visit & see how things are yourself? Or are you relying on phones calls to deflective relatives & a hard of hearing elder to gauge how things are?

She is mid 90s and so if at all possible and family at all willing I would allow your mother to die at home. The death is inevitable, and having her survive a few more years only to have the quality of her life in a nursing home be miserable is to me a good reason to let her make her own choice. Eventually, if there is a fall or other injury she may require being in care if family cannot handle it. Otherwise she has had a wonderfully long life and got to live it the way she wishes in her home with her family. I would step back and offer my help, assistance, casseroles, respite help, bags of groceries, and do all I could to help those in care. This will insure you can monitor the care as well.

Best out to you. I wish your Mom a peaceful passing in her own home with family if that is sustainable at all. Good luck.