Mom's silent treatment. Should I sit with her in the quiet? I feel like the worst visitor.

Here I am again with another question about responding to dementia behavior, and I'm just getting this off my chest, so THANK YOU for reading! I visit my mother at her assisted living facility, an hour from my home. (She could be in the memory care wing, but there's no room currently available, so the facility is just giving her plenty of attention in her AL room. They are familiar with her delusions. There's no exact dementia diagnosis; she refused to complete the cognitive testing and refused an MRI, so doctors just said "some kind of dementia" and we are fine with leaving it at that.)

I got here three hours ago. I suggested (as always) that we go for a ride, holding out her shoes and complimenting her appearance. She said no. She then filled me in on some of the happenings in her delusional-world and gave me all the gossip on the imaginary people in the ceiling. I smiled and steered the conversation toward the fun times she had on the farm when she was a kid. We laughed at her stories about fishing and swimming. Then she said she needed me to order her a dress, and I fumbled big time. I SHOULD have said, "OKAY! The internet is down right now so I'll order it tomorrow!" But, like a dodo, I told her she has nice clothes already and we need to save her money for things she really needs.

She hollered at me for 20 minutes.

Then she shut down.

I apologized and said of course we could order a dress. (We really don't have "dress money" and I too often let that stressful fact steer me into giving the wrong responses.)

For an hour now she has been staring into space. She won't answer my questions ("Do you feel okay" or "Do you want a drink") and she won't acknowledge that she hears me.

An aide came in and cheerily said "It's time to go to dinner!" and Mom cheerily answered, "No thank you I've already had breakfast and lunch and a brownie, and I'm too full!"

Back to silence.

Then another aide came breezing in and said "I brought you a plate!"

Mom said "OH that looks so good THANK YOU!”

She does this to me and my sister also. If we turn on the TV during these silences, she snaps "Turn that off!" I know from reading posts on this site that it's normal for a PWD to shut out family the way a stubborn child would. I'm not mad at her. She can't help it.

Do you ever feel like a bad visitor?

I've never been outgoing and I struggle to be chatty, especially when the other person isn't responding. I imagine Teepa or some other dementia-guru would probably be hopping around this room like a jumping jack, being engaging and entertaining.

I feel like a bump on a log.

Mom ate two bites of spaghetti and has now turned her back to me. It's almost 7pm, and I need to hit the road soon. It's a sad feeling.