I’m sorry , but his brain is broken and he can’t understahd .
Buy him antistrip jumpsuits or onesies for Alz/dementia patients . You can buy them on Amazon , then he can’t take his clothes off without help . He will need his Depends changed as needed .
If this gets him too frustrated , I think the only thing left is a facility .
Uncontrolled incontinence is often the cause of people ending up in memory care or SNF .
This is a no- brainer. Time has come : Get care, not to mention washable rugs,in your house OR get him into nursing care facility. That cannot be allowed to continue.
I am sure he does not "refuse" I am sure that he just does not realize that the "proper" way is to use the toilet. Just as many people with dementia do not realize that you: Do not expose yourself in public You do not walk into other people's houses You do not shoplift You do not swear You do not hit, scream, bite, spit And any of the numerous things that a person with dementia does or doesn't do. With dementia the "filters" that allow us to manage in society are dropped. Some people revert back to what they knew as a young person. Someone growing up in a poor area with no plumbing may urinate on the floor, outside, in a planter, and may put soiled toilet paper in a trash can not the toilet, So at this point YOU walk your husband to the bathroom. You go in the bathroom with him and you help him. At this point it might be easier and neater if you have him sit down on the toilet, This can make changing him easier if he needs to be changed. I am sure there are other aspects of his Activities of Daily Living that he is not accomplishing on his own and needs supervision with. Showering Dressing in clean clothes. Hand washing Brushing teeth Shaving Just to name a few.
My late husband when he was still mobile would make a mess every time he had to pee in the toilet. Some of it landed in the toilet while the rest ended up on the floor. I got tired of cleaning up his messes daily and so I made him sit down on the toilet every single time whether he had to pee or poop. And at that time he had the bedside commode over his toilet as he needed the handles to help himself up. Of course he didn't like it at first, but he did eventually get used to it, and it helped greatly with no more messes for me to clean up. Certainly can't hurt to give that a try. Either that or you can try a condom catheter.
My father went through that stage as well; however, I was never able to find a solution.
At one point he was getting up two to three times each night and urinating. Some times were worse than others, but at a minimum I had to change his pajamas each time. At the worse he would urinate on his pajamas, socks, the floor, the bath rug, the walls and all over the toilet. Some nights the only way I made it through was to sing a song. There was a 1960s song called Girl Watcher…… I modified the lyrics from- “I'm a girl watcher, I'm a girl watcher Watchin' girls go by, my, my, my” to I’m a Pee Mopper. I found it hard to be mad while laughing at myself.
That behavior lasted for about 18 months before he eventually stopped knowing that he needed to urinate or even understanding the process.
The others have made good suggestions about having him to sit to urinate and going with him to the restroom to help; however, none of those worked with my father. He has always been strong willed and the Alzheimer’s has made it worse. He refused to sit on the toilet to urinate and if I ever tried to help, he would pee on me along with everything else.
If MC couldn't find a solution for this problem I cannot imagine one myself short of you two being attached at the waist. And there is likely enough of that in your life already. The instinct to "go", to get out of your clothing and relieve yourself is so strong, being one trained into us early, that there is almost no one who cannot figure out how to disrobe and go, even when the proper receptacle is no longer in the memory bank.
I am wondering if this is the worst of it for you, or if there is yet more. I ask this because it may be time to recognize that in home care is becoming now too much to continue for you? I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
I am sorry as well. As sad as it is it is time to let others take over i.e. facility. My husband has Parkinson’s disease for over 10 years or longer, no dementia and unlikely that will happen, but if so and incontinence it will be beyond my capabilities to take care of him.
My husband has had Parkinson’s for about 14 years and has had urinary urgency for about the same time. It worsened dramatically about 2 years ago. He has always sat down to pee (early stipulation in our mattiage) but getting up every 15 minutes during the night was clearly not working because he fell without my assistance. Condom catheter wouldn’t stay on so we went with a permanent catheter. My husband has some dementia but he does understand why he needs the catheter and we’ve had good luck with it so far.
Macattk, here's an idea. Change the toilet seat to something other than white. I recall reading that with dementia, if the bathroom is all in white it can become confusing where is the toilet. It's worth a try. Home Depot and Lowes has them in a variety of different colors.
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Buy him antistrip jumpsuits or onesies for Alz/dementia patients . You can buy them on Amazon , then he can’t take his clothes off without help . He will need his Depends changed as needed .
If this gets him too frustrated , I think the only thing left is a facility .
Uncontrolled incontinence is often the cause of people ending up in memory care or SNF .
I’m sorry .
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I am sure that he just does not realize that the "proper" way is to use the toilet.
Just as many people with dementia do not realize that you:
Do not expose yourself in public
You do not walk into other people's houses
You do not shoplift
You do not swear
You do not hit, scream, bite, spit
And any of the numerous things that a person with dementia does or doesn't do.
With dementia the "filters" that allow us to manage in society are dropped.
Some people revert back to what they knew as a young person. Someone growing up in a poor area with no plumbing may urinate on the floor, outside, in a planter, and may put soiled toilet paper in a trash can not the toilet,
So at this point YOU walk your husband to the bathroom.
You go in the bathroom with him and you help him. At this point it might be easier and neater if you have him sit down on the toilet, This can make changing him easier if he needs to be changed.
I am sure there are other aspects of his Activities of Daily Living that he is not accomplishing on his own and needs supervision with.
Showering
Dressing in clean clothes.
Hand washing
Brushing teeth
Shaving
Just to name a few.
I got tired of cleaning up his messes daily and so I made him sit down on the toilet every single time whether he had to pee or poop. And at that time he had the bedside commode over his toilet as he needed the handles to help himself up.
Of course he didn't like it at first, but he did eventually get used to it, and it helped greatly with no more messes for me to clean up.
Certainly can't hurt to give that a try. Either that or you can try a condom catheter.
At one point he was getting up two to three times each night and urinating. Some times were worse than others, but at a minimum I had to change his pajamas each time. At the worse he would urinate on his pajamas, socks, the floor, the bath rug, the walls and all over the toilet. Some nights the only way I made it through was to sing a song. There was a 1960s song called Girl Watcher…… I modified the lyrics from-
“I'm a girl watcher, I'm a girl watcher
Watchin' girls go by, my, my, my”
to I’m a Pee Mopper. I found it hard to be mad while laughing at myself.
That behavior lasted for about 18 months before he eventually stopped knowing that he needed to urinate or even understanding the process.
The others have made good suggestions about having him to sit to urinate and going with him to the restroom to help; however, none of those worked with my father. He has always been strong willed and the Alzheimer’s has made it worse. He refused to sit on the toilet to urinate and if I ever tried to help, he would pee on me along with everything else.
I am wondering if this is the worst of it for you, or if there is yet more. I ask this because it may be time to recognize that in home care is becoming now too much to continue for you? I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
My husband has Parkinson’s disease for over 10 years or longer, no dementia and unlikely that will happen, but if so and incontinence it will be beyond my capabilities to take care of him.