My dad and I are at our wits end! We’re trying to take care of my mom but she is so mean almost all of the time. She refuses to eat. We’re at her beck and call but she’ll text her sister late at night saying she needs help scaring her when there’s nothing wrong. She lives with my dad. He’s in the same bed with her. Nothing is going on. She talks about going to the hospital so often and it’s clearly for attention. Every time she does go she suddenly seems better there and perks up asking who all has been notified and what was their reaction etc. She is doing it for attention. However she does have stents. So we err on the side of safety and take her. But she is all about the drama while claiming she hates drama. She stirs it up and even baits us for arguments nearly daily. Sometimes many times in a day. We can’t take the constant negativity anymore. I finally had her talked into seeing a dr to see if she may have dementia since her mom did too. The dr asked her who the president is and what yr it is and then proclaimed in front of her that she’s perfectly fine and doesn’t have dementia. Are you serious?!?! I’m just a Paramedic and even I can see the obvious signs and know diagnosing isn’t that fast and easy. A lot more goes into it. She isn’t always like this. There are moments of clarity and normalcy, albeit less and less all the time. She seems to have Sundowners too. Come 3-7pm she gets MEAN and tears my dad down. She is usually at him about everything he says and does anyway. Didn’t used to be like that. He’s so depressed and stressed now. He’s a very good man and is super loyal. But if anyone says anything while she’s tearing him down in front of anyone and he sits there quietly she freaks out saying we’ll defend him no matter what. We have to get her diagnosed and get her help for her and for my dad. I’m now on 3 depression/anxiety meds and I’m still super stressed and on antibiotics for my cystic acne coming up from stress. Thanks to that one negligent dr, she is never going to admit it is her that is the issue now. How do we get her to an appointment and get her diagnosed? We would almost need to go to her dr without her first and idk if the drs can do that. Help!
Either might refer you to a neuropsychologist, who does paper and pencil testing for cognitive issues, which is really the gold standard for diagnosis of dementia.
You CAN send a list of your concerns to a doctor beforehand. If you are not on mom's HIPAA paperwork, the doctor can't discuss her medical issues with you, but you can infoher/him of what is going on.
Dones mom have her POA, Medical directive and HIPAA papers done? Those should all be in place.
'Mean' is not a medical condition, but could be due to any number of reasons - pain, exhaustion, unstable blood sugars being only some.
Your mother is 67, and her many health problems are probably not going to prove fatal soon. This could go on for 30 years.
You are probably ‘praying 4' answers about how to change your mother. While mother does what she wants and you both put up with it, the chances of her changing are slim. As I said to another poster yesterday, pray for courage to change yourselves, to make things different. It’s more likely to be effective.
Your mother needs to see a neurologist who can give her a proper test. Whatever mean necessary, get her to see one.