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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Right here is the best place I have found. You can repeat yourself over and over and we ALL 'get it'.
Support groups kind of want you to 'get better' and sometimes, man, we just want to roll around in our self pity.
May not be the healthiest way to handle it, but our LO's who are making us nuts aren't changing, are they? Some actually really enjoy the drama---just sayin'.
Hi Katiekat2009! I Just watched some videos of Dr Les Carter. Boy did I learn a lot! I am so grateful to you for your advice. I have been struggling with my narcissistic mother for so many years. I have ordered Dr Carter’s book and I feel like I am about to finally get my life back, or a least make a start. Thank You so much for the support!
I have researched this very same topic and found some therapists who specialize in narcissistic personality disorder and will counsel adult children who still experience their dysfunction. However, I have not found one that actually offered anything more helpful than I found by sharing experiences with the good people on this site, or by watching youtube videos. You may be luckier than I was in that search however. For now, I will say whatever your are experiencing that many of us will understand. I could go on and on about my parents, but this is not my thread. I will just say boundaries help to keep your sanity and you do not owe it to your parent to sacrifice your own wellbeing for their needs. You are important too.
Dementia definitely adds an entirely new and exciting dimension to narcissism lol! I don’t know of a support group. My success with a support group for an invisible illness I have was less than stellar though so I haven’t looked that hard. But the best thing we did with my mother was find a good, upscale ILF then ALF. ( has to be upscale for her but she has the $$$) . She hated it at first, still complains to us constantly but she has a little kingdom to rule over , they encourage residents to participate so in the first one she took it upon herself to take charge of positioning all walkers in the dining room lol. She can boss the less forceful people and they are out of it enough not to care. The staff claim to love her.
She’s still a handful for us to deal with she since somehow she raised a bunch of total incompetent ner do wells 😉 but we can basically stay out of the day to day drama and just get involved with things our POAs deal with. 60 years of dysfunctional family life is more than enough.
As a nurse you may have already done this but the best thing I’ve ever done for myself was go to a therapist. I actually went for help dealing with the plethora of health problems I have since at the time knew nothing about NPD and assumed everyone had a mother like mine lol. That was about 12-15 years ago and I’m still discovering things about myself my mother claimed about me that were total lies. It’s probably the main thing that has helps me have the strength to put some distance between myself and her. I’m much happier and have more peace and she doesn’t control my life as much as she used to. It would be great if we all had kind, loving parents but we can’t change that. We can only change how much it rules our lives.
Bean, your best bet is to call your County/city council on aging to see if they have a list of caregiving support groups.
Otherwise, the best support group I found was right here on this forum :) There were no support groups in my area, and I live in a large metro area. The main reason was caregivers weren't able to get away or find someone to help out so that they could attend meetings.
Narcissists are clever and they are personable and charismatic. They are fully capable of turning the tables on anyone who tries to "get help" or family counseling. Because they, unlike psychotics, want/need to be loved they will manipulate the drama 10 ways from Sunday. You are already well on your way to learning what the personality is, but if you go to a group they will likely tell you that you aren't a psychologist (unless you are) and will not fully understand what you are going through. I myself am not capable of caregiving to someone personality disordered. Not sure I am strong or able enough to caregive to someone "normal" let alone that. Just saying. I might get on with my own life, and let Dad pretend for a while that he didn't have a daughter.
Support groups are great if you can find one that addresses the issues you are dealing with. I have found scheduling a "Pity Party" for my self every now and then softens the dealing and caring for this type of personality. My husband has vascular dementia, narcisstic personality and is on oxygen 24/7 (he is a pistol ) Keep in touch with this forum...it will help with your own sanity.
Not specific to one relation or disability, but at CoDependants Anonymous we learn how to make better boundaries, have more loving relationships and get to know real people who can become your best friends. There are meetings almost everywhere.
The word Narcissist is really getting out there. There are also many wonderful coaches & tons of videos to watch & learn from. You can leave messages, join support groups & even hire a coach. Narcissist are nothing like bipolar & depending how far up the spectrum they are, they can be dangerous. At least, very difficult to deal with. Depends on a few things on what you should do.
I've read a few books on getting freedom from a narcissistic parent and the only way to do that is to change ourselves by drawing boundaries and not allowing them to control us anymore. The thing with that is that it's way easier said than done! Since my narcissistic mother has developed Vascular Dementia it's like an even worse situation! Until recently I thought my sister and I were the only ones dealing with what seemed to be a torturous mother! We didn't even know there was a word or name for it until I took an abnormal psychology class! My therapy is talking with my sister who is the ONLY one who understands me! Now I see on here we are not the only ones so this is my other support now. Perhaps it can be for you as well?
My father is 94 and is a malignant narcissist. I'm the youngest of 4 and it has fallen to me to take care of his needs. I'm 60 years old but when he goes into one of his meltdowns, I feel like a little girl again. He's starting to have some confusion/dementia and it has made everything worse. I'm starting to insist on some sibling support, not easily done since they all live far away, but I've reached my limit. This is also after caring for our mother who passed recently due to Alzheimer's. To make matters even more fun, he's blind. He lives alone and I have someone coming in every day for two hours. Recently added another aide to come in twice a week to help him bathe. I've read so much about all of this, boundaries boundaries boundaries are in every article. Not so easy to do after a lifetime of his behavior and being terrified of him. He's weak and frail, and today I went into a laughing fit because I've been so upset these past few days... I'm 60 years old and my daddy is mean to me! It sounds so ridiculous! So, no, you're not the only one. Hang in there and as all of my siblings say, be sure to take care of yourself, too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Support groups kind of want you to 'get better' and sometimes, man, we just want to roll around in our self pity.
May not be the healthiest way to handle it, but our LO's who are making us nuts aren't changing, are they? Some actually really enjoy the drama---just sayin'.
I Just watched some videos of Dr Les Carter. Boy did I learn a lot! I am so grateful to you for your advice. I have been struggling with my narcissistic mother for so many years. I have ordered Dr Carter’s book and I feel like I am about to finally get my life back, or a least make a start. Thank You so much for the support!
I don’t know of a support group. My success with a support group for an invisible illness I have was less than stellar though so I haven’t looked that hard. But the best thing we did with my mother was find a good, upscale ILF then ALF. ( has to be upscale for her but she has the $$$) . She hated it at first, still complains to us constantly but she has a little kingdom to rule over , they encourage residents to participate so in the first one she took it upon herself to take charge of positioning all walkers in the dining room lol. She can boss the less forceful people and they are out of it enough not to care. The staff claim to love her.
She’s still a handful for us to deal with she since somehow she raised a bunch of total incompetent ner do wells 😉 but we can basically stay out of the day to day drama and just get involved with things our POAs deal with. 60 years of dysfunctional family life is more than enough.
As a nurse you may have already done this but the best thing I’ve ever done for myself was go to a therapist. I actually went for help dealing with the plethora of health problems I have since at the time knew nothing about NPD and assumed everyone had a mother like mine lol. That was about 12-15 years ago and I’m still discovering things about myself my mother claimed about me that were total lies. It’s probably the main thing that has helps me have the strength to put some distance between myself and her. I’m much happier and have more peace and she doesn’t control my life as much as she used to. It would be great if we all had kind, loving parents but we can’t change that. We can only change how much it rules our lives.
Otherwise, the best support group I found was right here on this forum :) There were no support groups in my area, and I live in a large metro area. The main reason was caregivers weren't able to get away or find someone to help out so that they could attend meetings.
Keep in touch with this forum...it will help with your own sanity.
Since my narcissistic mother has developed Vascular Dementia it's like an even worse situation! Until recently I thought my sister and I were the only ones dealing with what seemed to be a torturous mother! We didn't even know there was a word or name for it until I took an abnormal psychology class! My therapy is talking with my sister who is the ONLY one who understands me! Now I see on here we are not the only ones so this is my other support now. Perhaps it can be for you as well?
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