ssnow04 Asked July 2020
Anyone have experience (good or bad) on legal action taken against siblings for stealing money from parent?
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I would like to know if anyone out there is in a legal battle with siblings over money they stole from an elderly parent (suffering from dementia). Everyone tells you to take them to court but they don't realize the cost or the reality of the situation. I am discovering it myself but luckily, our lawyer is taking the case on a contingency basis. Short history, my mom was basically tricked out of every penny from mostly one sibling but the other was not innocent either. It happened over many years. There was even a report to DCF but that yielded pretty much nothing because my mom wasn't "homeless" (she is living with me) and at the time, still defended the siblings saying that they did whatever they did "for her own good."
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Side note: I live in another state from my family. Now, Sisters did a lot for Mom and I always felt guilty. In talking with another sister I occurred to me that I could take on Mom's finances long distance if Sisters got Mom to sign a DPOA to me.
Mom would never file charges against Niece and even if Mom wanted to she wouldn't recall any of it anyway. Niece admitted to my sister that she knew Mom wouldn't remember giving her any money. Heck, there were a few days, Niece took Mom to the bank twice a day!
I got the DPOA. I developed a monthly statement that accounted for every penny of Mom's monthly. All of us agreed Mom would pay Niece and BF's moving expenses out. Once I got the DPOA, I told Niece, from my mouth to her ears, Mom (her grandmother) was in a protected class of vulnerable elders by state law. If Niece took even a penny from Mom I WOULD CALL THE POLICE AND HAVE HER ARRESTED. Niece never took a penny again.
That was the best I could do.
It is a common situation - my mom has Alzheimers- and is in a full care facility- I witnessed multiple times my younger sibling writing checks to himself from her check book for gas, (he lived 2 miles from my mom's care home), expenses, groceries (my mom's mini fridge was always empty) misc, etc.
He had her credit card, check book, and debit card -every time I went to visit and take her out she wanted to pay or offer and had nothing . Her private nurse told me that "your mom doesn't have any money ever" My dad left her well off -I live out of the country. My brother said he kept her cards and check book to protect her from her nurse who he didn't trust. He fired the nurse and told me she quit. What he didn't know was that she called me every week to update me and told me they fired her weeks before his story.
My mom's nurse said my mom wanted to go out and pay for stuff but didn't know where her debit card was ...
my father who passed four years prior would have been livid if he knew what my brother was doing - two brothers - they helped themselves to her account, said they took her to appointments (hearing aids) never once did in four years - and it goes on and on - I found out and asked about it only to be cussed out and told that I am not there and have no business interfering-
so now we are estranged basically -
so
it get's ugly- I have had a daughter who has had 13 leg and ankle surgeries in the last four years and have been rehabbing her - I wish I could be closer as I am a great caregiver - disgusted in them
We almost lost our business and house when an employee who was also a family friend stole over $60k from us. She also did not make remittances to the CRA and we faced huge fines and penalties. She was the company bookkeeper.
We had proof, but needed a forensic audit, $25k to provide the proof to the RCMP.
Good Luck.
The rest of us 5 sibs knew nothing about this until YB finished the apartment on his home that was to house mom and dad for the remainder of their lives. The plan was that they'd pay off YB's home and he'd not ask any monetary recompense for taking care of them forever.
What a shock. The house was sold and Mother and Dad netted less than $60K where they should have had almost $300K. YB was never made whole--but we as kids all pitched in and helped as much as we could---but it was a real nightmare.
OB felt completely fine about doing this. It was unbelievable. Of course all the money was long gone....did we even talk about going after him? No, b/c he was the golden boy and mother wouldn't allow it.
It was her call, as it was her money--and dad was too deep into Parkinson's dementia to understand what had happened.
In this case as in so many, you have to weigh the possibility of getting the money back against the emotional cost. To mother, who loved OB with an almost sick fascination--this was clearly not the thing to do.
OB died, completely destitute about 8 years ago.
She and dad were the ones who suffered. YB was eventually made whole, but not immediately. When mother dies, we all inherit the same amount. It's a very small amount. As I have done a LOT of CG for mom, I may or may not accept my 'inheritance'..or I may simply give it to YB. She's been there 22 years. Daddy lived for 8 years there.
Mother is sliding into dementia, but she is still 'with it' enough to not bring up OB's name in conversation. He left enough pain and hurt behind him to last us all a lifetime.
Each situation is unique--and also the same. I have 5 kids and I cannot IMAGINE any one of them doing something so horrible. Mother has a real blind eye when it comes to this brother.
Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. There really is no 'right' nor 'wrong' in a case like this. Just 'awful' and 'slightly less awful'.
Also, just to share the misery, my friend's sister is the "golden child," an animal hoarder with over 100 potbelly pigs, who are making more pigs as we speak. Friend's mom is 87 and wanted to live with sister, who lives like a hoarder lives. Between my friend's mom's social security and sister's disability they net about $2200 per month. They are spending $2000 per MONTH on pig food and supplies. I kid you not. My friend, who does the bookkeeping is fit to be tied as she has had to pay mom's food bills, sister's property tax (because mom lives there), but there is nothing she can do about the money hemorrhage because mom won't cut off sister ("poor thing, she can't support herself"), and won't move to Florida to be with my friend in a nice house. She would ather live in squalor in Pig Central in a crappy part of the California Central Valley and be watching over sister (who ignores her unless she needs money). People are nuts but seem to do whatever they want.
My brother in law has stolen over 500 thousand dollars and I am supposed to smile because he is so cute. By the way he is 60 years old with a 25 year old phillopino bride.
After he did this if I tried to see or speak to her he would call the police and say I was harassing her. I had proof of him writing checks to himself for cash from her account. He ended up closing the account since my mom had my name on it also and opened a new account without my name.
He then moved a woman into her home who got evicted from her trailer park who has financial problem and has access to all mom’s personal info & finances. Money is being used from my mother’s account to support this woman.
I have not seen my mother in almost 2 years now and lawyers want a substantial retainer with no guarantees of outcome. If you find out what to do please let me know. Best wishes to you.