My mom has been in MC since August and it has been a big adjustment! However, she's been doing really well lately! She hasn't been calling us as much. As I took her out for a country drive the other day, she talked for about 20 minutes about the thick, gray haired guy on her floor who is very nice and laughs at all her jokes. She was as giddy as a school girl. Part of me is thrilled that she has found some companionship. The other part of me is thinking both of them have dementia and I don't want them to do anything dumb together. Are MC workers trained in this scenario? If so, how?
My mother has an imaginary husband. She has conjured up her first boyfriend from high school who has come back and married her even though they haven't seen each other since 1946. He's also been dead since 2009, but I'd never tell her that.
Even though this guy exists only in her imagination, I get to hear about their sex life -- although I shut that down pretty quickly when she goes there -- how wonderful he is, how his parents come to visit and are kind of obnoxious, and how happy she is. Early on it was very hard for me to accept, because my darling father and the love of her life for 66 years had died only weeks before the new dreamboat popped into her mind. However, as time has gone on, I'm grateful for her creative imagination, because Dan the Man has kept her company during the Covid lockdown when I cannot. She isn't depressed, it gives her something to talk about when every day is pretty much like any other, and she looks forward to her sweetie coming home from flying around the world every day (apparently he's a personal pilot for the Kennedy family). Her stories are priceless.
Real or imaginary, everyone wants someone to love.
blessings, Liz 💕
Drive off and live on the beach together? Have sex all day in their rooms?? Are you worried your Mom will get pregnant?
Sexual or intimate activities can run the gamant of holding hands and being nice to each other to rockin the bed and screaming with pleasure!!
I suggest you be happy she has companionship and has a man that is interested in her. If they both still have sexual urges and they both want to have that activity in some manner god bless them. You are going to be that age one day. You want your children intefereing with your enjoyment?
We are all living soooo much longer and the intimacy part of our lives has the potential to be extended as well. Have you ever looked up the mental, physical and emotional benefits for Seniors to remain sexually active? The physical, mental and emotional benefits are well documented.
I think its called "Away From Her".
Not touch when you are changing a brief.
Not touch when you are dressing them
Not touch when you are bathing them
But REAL TOUCH.
Holding hands.
Massage
Looking into their eyes
Talking to them on a level even with them.
Relating to him or her in a personal way.
"We" ask how was your day, do you want chicken or fish for dinner (if that), time to take your medicine, time for bed, time to take a shower, time to get dressed.
Yes I will admit that conversation with someone with Dementia is a challenge. But it is little things like this that they miss just as much as we miss it in return.
So if mom or dad (or your spouse) finds someone in Memory Care that they can relate to, that they can hold hands with. That they can "spoon" with. If that makes their day better why stop it.
Now if one of the two is not understanding cues that indicate that the attention is not wanted then the staff should step in to redirect the more forward of the two.
Be glad that mom has found someone that can make her day better We could all use someone like that.
I would talk to the staff to get the facts. Your mother might just be fantasizing a romance. And if it’s true how nice she has someone to care about.
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