I am the POA for my husband who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years ago. As his sole caregiver, I'm worried at some point if any family members will interfere with my decisions in the event that something happens. My lawyer told me that no one could override the POA. As his spouse, am I responsible for taking care of everything in the event he has to transition to a nursing home or memory care? No one from the family shows much concern for him. It absolutely baffles me. Any input is appreciated.
Mine might have been a different situation because the lawyer we saw (not an elder care attorney by the way..first mistake) said that he did not think my Husband was competent to make decisions and property that my Husband had prior to our marriage was in his name alone. I eventually had to become my Husbands Guardian. BIG hassle and a PITA!
By law, the spouse is the legal next of kin, this carries lots of authority, add the POA and only a judge can take your authority away. You got all the power right now.
As far as having to deal with everything, yes, it is up to you but, that doesn't mean you have to physically do the work, you can hire help, you can put him in day programs, you can sign up for any help available in your area.
You don't have to do this all alone. Please contact your county counsel on aging and find out what resources are available to you and your husband.
You matter too! You need regular breaks and you need time away from this heavy burden. You need to take care of you lest you become a statistic and your husband has nobody to advocate for him.
Did you guys discuss what the future would look like when he got the diagnosis? I hope so.
Great BIG WARM HUG!
I do suggest you get your ducks in a row by seeing an elder attorney. Medicaid allows assets in a marriage to be split. Your husbands split going to his care and when gone, applying for Medicaid at which time you become the Community Spouse. Receiving enough or all of your monthly income to live on. You stay in your home and have a car.
If this is getting too much for you, it may be time to place him.
Prepare is my mantra… research and know how finances work down the road . Start looking at memory cares that will take Medicaid after a stipulated time of self pay. Find yourself a placement specialist that is an independent or franchise that lives in the area. That person is paid by the facility. That person will know the area , cost , requirements, openings, your needs …I found a franchise by me called care patrol….in the mean time I would contact your county office of aging, they would have insight for needs of Medicaid etc … you haven’t said anything about finances, but if you think you would eventually need it , I would prepare for that… educate…
A bit cynical here, but those that do not show much concern now won't be around much or have much interest in taking over or overriding your role.
The only time that happens is when they want money.
Hoping there are no step-children?
By giving you power of attorney, your husband chose you to make decisions for him when he is no longer able to. That doesn't mean that nobody else is allowed to express an opinion, however uninformed or misguided or plain annoying their opinion might be; but it does mean that *you* decide, because that is what *he* wanted.
Adult stepchildren, concerned for their parent but not directly involved, can be tricky to manage - is this the issue for you?