I finally put dad into assisted living w/memory care. For one year, my husband and I have taken a daily pummelling by my father. He's suspicious of my husband. He has accused us of so many things. And he has the most negative angry stories that he would tell to us all day everyday. He's been there 8 days now. I haven't gone by to see him, but have checked in with the nurses to see how he's doing. How often should I visit him. The problem is this, when I see him he wants to leave and return with me. I figured that I should give him a couple of weeks to get oriented. I also figured that I would visit thereafter visit at least once per week.
What is suggested.
We waited a week to visit her initially. She understands how difficult it has been to care for her, so she understood we both needed rest. It took me 3 weeks to finally feel "somewhat normal" but I know it's going to take a long time to recover. On my down days.....I really take it easy....barely doing anything but rest.
Even with Dad in a safe place, I still find myself not able to enjoy life, my nerves are shot from this exhausted journey.... plus trying to empty my parents house and get it ready to sell.... and I still haven't made doctor appointments for myself to which I am 2 to 3 years behind schedule, as I still keep thinking the other shoe will drop.
Oh, that guilt feeling is so hard to get rid of :(
I'm seeing if some good friends can visit for the first time rather than me. He's only been in for one week and 3 days and I'm already having trouble staying away for that long.
I'm checking with staff about every other day. They would know what would work best.
Good luck to you!
Try once a week and see how it goes. Maybe that will be ideal. Maybe three very short visits a week would be better. Maybe once a month along with some phone calls would be good.
You'll discover this by trial and error. And it may change over time.
Just know that there are no "rules" or "protocol" or "guidelines" for family visits, We have to figure them out case-by-case.
I hope your relationship with Dad improves greatly over the coming months and that he enjoys his "independence" from you. And that your life improves dramatically as well, of course!