I have been taking care of my 91 y.o mother with 'dementia' [found her a great assisted living, paying bills, driving 1 1/2 hrs all the time whenever she wants something] We have always had a communication problem and now that she does not remember anything it is becoming a trust issue, like I am not sure if its the dementia or a lie. She has always lied, bending the truth, and I am am into reality!
Now throw in the 39 y/o grandson with a drug problem, who has past legal issues. Every time he visits her, there is a visit to the bank, something missing. She does not tell me the truth. I went yesterday and her car is gone, and he took it. He took her to DMV etc. with his girlfriends name on the pink slip. She also had her diamond wedding ring missing when he visited, she accused another family member of stealing it, and we found out he gave it to his girlfriend. Said she did not remember.
I am sick of it and want out, but I am afraid he will take everything from her. She blames me for 'not letting her do what she wants' not giving her $ [which I always do] She does not have much and that is why I am doing this. He takes he to the bank, gets copies of her accounts and tells her I have stolen $. I am fed up! I do everything and I get accused of horrible things-I don't deserve this.
There is nothing at all drastic about reporting your drug-addicted nephew to Adult Protective Services if he is taking financial advantage of your mother. If it is your sense of family loyalty that is preventing you from turning this over to APS, realize that your nephew has no family loyalty. His loyalty is to drugs and drugs alone.
Good luck to you - it looks like a very difficult situation.
If this behaviour, unchecked, gets worse and therefore comes to light, and you are accused of being complicit by knowing of these facts but failing to report them, will you still think you don't deserve it?
If reporting what has happened to the authorities seems too drastic, what do you propose to do?
Reading between your lines, it sounds to me as though your mother is in fact giving these items to your grandson. She may not be aware of their value, she may not really comprehend what she's doing, but I hazard a guess that she enjoys giving him presents, he is appreciative, and neither sees the harm in what he doing.
But there is harm. He is abusing her trust, and effectively stealing from her: a lady who does not understand what she is doing cannot freely give her belongings to someone else. It is time to get heavy. You either speak to him yourself or you get the authorities involved.
from website wills.about.com
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A Power of Attorney can be "durable," meaning that it goes into effect immediately and continues to be legally binding if you become mentally incapacitated; or a Power of Attorney can be "springing," meaning that it does not go into effect until you are declared to be mentally incapacitated.
The person or entity named to act on your behalf in a Power of Attorney is called your "Attorney in Fact" or your "Agent."
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The durable one has obvious advantages.
However that does not deal with the unpleasantness, the accusations and blaming. Have you had any success from the calls you made? The psychiatrist may be helpful - I hope!!!
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) let us know how you make out.
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