We (my husband and I, sisters and brothers) made the decision, with my mom's consent, to move her from SD to my house in NC. It's not working. Her dementia/Alzheimer's is too far past the stage where my husband and I can care for her. We have found a small private long term care facility where she can move to. Mom is not going to take this move well. My health is at risk due to the stress from constant care, arguing (I know I'm suppose to divert and redirect, but it doesn't work with my mom), and I spend more time in tears than not, so keeping her in our home is not an option. She has a dog which she totally dotes on and has said that she would die before giving up her dog. This facility will not allow dogs. I'm so torn. This is the right decision, but why do I feel so bad about it? How do I tell my mom that I (we) moved her from SD to NC only to put her in a long term facility and she can't take her dog, which is about the only thing she loves? She hates it in NC, but there is nothing for her in SD. No one is able to take her into their homes, nor are they qualified to do so. My life has become one big battle ground with the occasional time out to regroup.
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She will adjust with time, and hopefully you will be able to bring her dog in for visits.
Do not be shy about asking for medications for her for anxiety which will help her to settle in and relax her.
Next up should be you getting into seeing your own Dr, so that you can get a full workup, and address your own stress and wellbeing!
I hope things settle down for you, and do comeback for suggestions and guidance, as so many folks here have been in your exact shoes.
Remember, this is just the beginning of what will probably be a whole lot of work for you, and lots of setbacks along the way, so you need to be in tip top shape, to handle things as the crop up, as that is the nature of the beast we all know as The Caregivers Role, I know and it Sucks!
Just this morning, my husband found his Dad on the floor at his Assistant Living apartment, wedged in between his dresser and bookcase. There no telling how many hours he's been there, and he was transported via 911, to the ER, and I'm waiting to hear what's what. It's incredibly frustrating and worrisome, so take good care of you!
You tried, and that is very admirable, so don't beat yourself up over it. She is very lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter! Take care!
Keep in mind that no matter where they may be, they may be unhappy. Dementia patients are often miserable inside their own home and very disagreeable. Making her happy, by doing what she wants is not likely to make her happy either. Their brain is just not working properly. I'd keep that in mind.
The dog issue will also resolve itself. My LO was obsessed with her beloved cat, but, she forgot about the cat within a matter of weeks, once she got settled into AL. Your mom's welfare must come first. You can check with facilities, but, with Memory Care units, I haven't found any that allowed pets, because the residents are of such a level of dementia, that it would not be feasible to have pets under foot, living in the unit. It's risky for the resident and the pet.
With the progression, their symptoms will change and she may not likely be this way indefinitely. Gather support from your family and read as much as possible about the condition. This site offers lots of support, so i recommend it as well.
You are such a good daughter. You tried. It is so hard to care for an elderly parent day in and day out, it does take a toll. It is stressful. I know its not what you wanted, but you do have to put yourself and your family first.
I know you love your mom and want to do what is best for her. There is no easy way for you to break the news. I wonder if the whole family can be in the room when this happens. Hopefully this will show your mom that everyone is on the same page.
I tried to appease my dad but letting him stay at home. But in hindsight it was a mistake. It will take her time to adjust to her new surroundings but in the long run it will be ok. My grandmother didn't want to go either but all her children thought it was the right decision. It took her almost a year but its OK now. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.