Anyone else feel like they are the lightening rod for blame in their family? I have just moved to the town where my Mom lives. Couple weeks after I got here, it was finally recognized that she has bedbugs (was also depressed, not washing or laundering well, isolating with little social contact at her choice). She had complained for 20 months of a "skin condition", which I believe was actually the repeated bites. Although her apartment was treated, when I went in as boots-on-the-ground for the refurbish and much needed cleaning so she could return from skilled nursing, live bed bugs were found. No further cleaning help was available for hire after that. Mom has gone back and forth on whether to return there, but my brothers absolutely thought cleaning it up, regular extermination, and my regular presence was a fine solution. I kept on going forward on that without much expectation of success, and all of sudden they went radio silent. Next thing I know, I'm accused of manipulating Mom into refusing to go back there. And wasting their valuable time and money by not carrying out unworkable plans. I did yell with outrage when I heard this at the most inopportune time, but also apologized later. Lucky for me, the brother with the POA now wants Mom moved to where he lives. Yea! I am bent out of shape now because, I kept everyone up to speed, and the POA has not spoken to me yet since the blow out. I have no details, and get 9+ calls a day from Mom - who cannot call POA bro from the nursing home because it's long distance.
On another note. Prior dept health here.
Bedbugs unbelivrable but not found to transmit any communicable disease.
Good note. The small and undetectable till you feel like being pricked or stingingnettles. Wash clothes in old fashion 1/4 cup lysol. And box baking soda, and lavender essence in rinse(can be in soap) Soak and double wash. Spray lysol sol rverywhere inc disconect elec and behind electric switches let dry before turning back on. In colosets corners etc under side chairs etc bakingsoda everywhere wash walls with in water and lysol. They dont like this. I had to stay with him in place was infested.
Their bites are designed to make one feel if have flu and lethargic and stay in bed to feed on. As a spider traps future food stored in its web.
Spray your shoes better yet leave a pair for there only. You dont want anything from there. The will attract to electronics anything someone has recently touched.or a quiet one disturbed corner. Even get inside the walls. I spent early mornings 2 am sitting up with my computer the heat attracted them next to him to catch the queens stalking him after erradicated from his room. Diatamacious earth is a deterrant it cuts up their little feet I have watched them trying to navigate over it move it out of their way give up and leave or get stuck. There are homemade trap wells can make for them to fall in. Bedbugs are a pain and annoyance. She definately doesnt need to return and prob. Good idea when discharge go to DPOA. In some instances payee and HCS can not be same.
Nothing you can do until they move her so just have what counts ready to move.discard everything you can, you do not want to take them with you. There are some foggers actual one on mkt and must be used according to spray ratio like Raid bedbug and flea same ingredients. Does work. Oh plastic bagged some at a month rhey were still alive in a flat ziplock bag. Sprayed lysol in a baggie with baking soda they were dead dying within a week. I think the bakingsoda diatamecious earth reacts with the acetic nature of the blood built outter shell. Like putting bakingsoda on acid neutralizes. It penetrates tears down their outershell. This is over about 8 months of experimenting or torturing bed bugs whatever you want to call it.
They can be smelled sickly sweet muskly odor from queen.
Just take what necessary from place forget the rest. You not need be completely paranoid. But you can not see the microscopic hatchlings till feels like acid on you.Then still can not see thim till full of blood then justa pin point size speck till squished.
Luck to you but do not blame monm so much for state of place normal long term malace lethergy from bed bugs long term flu feeling. Wondering whom brought bugs in her place.
Since you are gathering her stuff ready to move good idea contacting soc service worker take mom with you to talk to them.since you not POA they have to answer her. Register as a ptvoice advocate and ADA advocate and even with dementia or brain injury she has right to have advocate. She can appoint you DCF authorized represenative just a paper she signs release to talk about her affairs to DCF gives medical release and allows ACHA advocacy. Actually doesnt have to be noterized but I always do have noterized. That way your not out of loop where counts her care and can be kept in loop as nearest relative locally contactable. Even if she has POA she has a right for her voice, avocation in her own matters. Since she calls so much someone is dialing for her so she is voicing enough they aren't ignoring or putting her off.
Also could try" jitterbug cell phone " "live operator". Or one of the regular battery type emergency cell phones looks lot like home phone.
It's just that we get lots of folks here who have parents with dementia, and the seem to think that their parents are trying to manipulate them. Sorry that my assumption was erroneous.
My mother also can't use a straightforward pedometer, or open a box of sandwich bags with out ripping it so that it no longer functions as a container. She has _always_ been like this, so it is hard to determine what is dementia, and what is just the way she is.
Please note that in the sentence following my mention of her antipathy to cell phones, I just move on to a solution that she likes and has used. I accept that. I laughed and took pictures when I saw the way she put up a contact wall hook by tacking it to the the wall with the sticky like the strip was tape, and her "box" of baggies.
We just don't know what her cognitive or social issue was. She was so defended she would never allow anyone to help. Instead she threw up roadblocks to receiving supportive professional help, one after another. My aunt and I both remember when we got old enough to realize that she was different, there was something going on. As a child, all I could do was my best to cope.
Now she has dementia too. Double layer. No different than ever, which makes the dementia much easier to accept for me.
What I have learned, is that I have to take care of myself first. Otherwise I have nothing to offer her. So when I have reached my limit of supportiveness, I need to bow out, and send in others that care about her. Attempting to help her at that moment will backfire badly, my frustration will show and she will feel attacked. Then she'll attack out, and I'll be in a unproductive stew for days.
I will use this opportunity to learn how to respond rather than react.
It is free. You update it as often as you want -- weekly or 3 times a day or whatever. People can read it when it is convenient or skip it if they don't want that much detail. And, very importantly, everyone hears exactly the same thing.
Anyway---when your mother calls you, let it go to your voice mail.
I am becoming increasingly aware that my issue is how long it takes me to get back to focus on my own life once I get involved in taking care of her. It is true that taking care of mom is not an old age thing, it's been a permanent thing - she has always needed my time, attention and assistance. It's a lifelong dynamic (from as early as I can remember - like age 5).
I do have to remain calm, and respond from as mature a place as I can. It's not an accident I spent a few years in Al-Anon because of this woman, who didn't even drink!
She refuses to try to learn how to use a cell phone. A calling card might work, I am trying to lump all the "things to do for mom" into smaller time periods, biweekly. Spending three days on her last week was way to much! By the four day, which I postponed according to my schedule, I was emotionally at full on resentment which leaked out, and did not serve anyone well.
Additionally woke up on Thursday with some itch areas, which may be bed bug bites. This has been a big fear! I earnestly tried not to bring any into my own home. I peeled off all my clothes in my entry stairwell, bagged them, and took a shower each time I entered her building. I then wiped down my stairway entry with alcohol, and have vacuumed repeatedly looking through the collected dust for any sign of bed bugs. Very discouraging.
Talked to her doctor about some antianxiety meds for her. And try only accepting one call a day from her.