Ok - I have been living with my 85 year old aunt for five years now. We get along, I have been helping her since she had her stroke and before that. A few months ago she asked me to see her attorney because she wanted to leave me the house, ( an old family home, long paid for.) I was touched, moved- it was so sweet. I met the attorney, discussed my life etc. and then - nothing. Now, I hear weekly " I can't leave you this house.." or " how are you going to pay for this house?" and more, about the house. I ran into the attorney, and asked and he said he can't discuss this. So, now I don't know. I wasn't fishing for this, I enjoy living in the family home, and care taking my aunt, ( I currently pay the bills, talk to doctors, hire help etc…) My question is how to bring up such a delicate subject. It leaves me with uncertainty about my own future. When the comments come about the house, I usually respond with, " you know I want to stay in this home, I love it here…I will make it work, don't worry about me." Am I wrong to ask to see some kind of documentation either way? Because I need to plan out my future…and I feel selfish…like most care takers.
Is there no one else to contest your ownership of the home such as children (hers)?
You aren't wrong to want this taken care of with documentation since this is about your own future. I'm not sure how you can move forward except to continue to reassure her that you can take care of things and would love to continue living there. Let her know that if she wants you to have the house the transfer must be done legally.
Perhaps, over time, she'll get back to the frame of mind where she wants you to have it and then you can get papers signed.
We're wishing you the best. Please check in with us so that we know if you've made progress.
Carol
Her words don't mean anything unless she changes her will to the effect. She'll have to come to that decision on her own. You can only let her know the way you feel without pressuring her. (If anyone gets word that you pressured her, the will could be contested.)
But I had just read a great book on how to have conversations with seniors and it stresses that we "younger" people are much more anxious about getting these things taken care of than the seniors we are dealing with who are eager to be cautious and deliberate in their decisions.
If I were to pass along the advice I think I got from the book, and what works with my own mother, here is what you might do:
* See if the topic comes up, naturally. If not, find ways to bring it up,but maybe in a more oblique manner, if you can.
* Let the person talk it out. Sit and listen and just let them talk it out. Make it clear you're interested in what they have to say. Sometimes, you'll come to an issue you didn't even realize existed.
One side-effect to this method I get with you own mom is that she remembers the conversations better than when I push on them. It won't work with everyone, but with my mom who has mild memory loss, it works pretty well so that she remembers things without me even bringing them up. She might mention she wants to do something I think is important but that she couldn't really grasp onto, but will mention she now thinks it's important and I'll say, "Well, I think we could get this done, today, if you want to get it over with," and, with that, we're done with the task.
I don't want to make this method sound easy or a good one for your situation, and will admit it is slow.
You should still plan for your future, especially old age and the possibility of needing care yourself. Life is uncertain, plan for the worst and hope for the best.