My brother-in-law has been looking after his brother for over 25 years. His brother had a stroke 25 years ago that took most of his speech and use of one side of his body. He is borderline diabetic and was recently told he has colon cancer. The doctor does not believe surgery is an option due to his current health issues. He lives in the same community as my sister and brother-in-law. My bil takes him to breakfast once a week and shopping, doctors, etc. The hard part is my bil is tired and getting depressed having this responsibility for so long. He has two other brothers (one deceased from colon cancer) and one that lives out of state and won't offer to help out at all because he and his wife took care of the parents until they passed on. The brother that he over see's won't cooperate with the caregiver that my bil hired to clean, etc. a few days a week. She gave her notice so they will try another caregiver that lives across the street. I think my bil should arrange to have his brother live in a care facility, especially now that he has cancer diagnosis. My bil should be able to live out his remaining years with my sister without this extra burden. I have to add and I'm sure it does not come as a surprise that if the situation was reversed the brother would not have taken care of my bil. So I guess I was wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them and what did they do?
He needs to speak to someone if he isn't already to give him some relief from the depression and he may need some medication as well. He has to be willing to let go however and allow his brother to be placed into a facility. He can still go and visit him and spend time with him but he will not feel as burdened as he presently does.
He needs to be applauded and appreciated for what he has done and told that it is okay to let go now. He may or may not want to do this, but I am sure with time he and your sister will have a much better life together and able to enjoy themselves.
God Bless Him!!!
I don't know how much influence you have, but if BIL had posted asking for advice, I'd agree with StandingAlone -- it is time for an appropriate care center.