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This situation is very similar to mine. I wrote to AgingCare about 2 months ago and received similar advice. I too have brothers.. I am one among 3 brothers... AND I have a BF!!! I followed their advice and now I am WITH my BF in the Philippines 2 months later!!! Happy and free!
I suffered with my mother's indifference and her favoritism toward my pampered spoiled younger brother for 4 years! Don't make THAT same mistake I made. She will not change! "Favorites" are "favorites" and they can never do wrong even when your mother "sees it", she will deny it. Everyone has told you the truth here... get out and save all that anguish and disappointment... NOW! I am so glad I returned to my lover here.. I done everything I could to help her. My conscience is clear. There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT SEE!
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Unfortunately, this situation doesn't seem to be unique. Since I joined the forum, I've seen a lot of posts similar to yours - parent favors one sibling over another and is verbally abusive to the sibling out of favor.

Out-of-favor sibling is reluctant to or doesn't have the mental strength to leave. That's not a criticism, just a fact. I suppose some in a psychiatric field would infer that the out-of-favor sibling still wants mom or dad's approval and can't leave.

Your mother won't change; your brother won't change. You can only control your behavior, and that's to take the advice of others and get out.

You will definitely be conflicted about leaving your mother, but remember that she's made her choices. And why would you even want to stay and tolerate the abuse? You can't change the situation; get out and make your own life.

Sit down and make a list of things that need to be done; enlist your BF's assistance and get it done and go.
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It seems you can't trust your mother..

I'm sorry this is happening but your mother is and can make her own choices... You need to make your own too. Which is put yourself first...
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Your uncle has poa? Inform him what you've observed AND MOVE OUT.
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I pay 1/3 of house payment, my own cellphone, car insurance, car payment, and every other grocery trip. My brother pays nothing. My mom pays everything else. I have been underemployed this summer (I got a new job and was not paid this summer from previous job and just bartend), but do pay for my expenses. My mother was seriously ill from 2011-early 2013 and started to bounce back and now is okay. I know things will get worse though. I am afraid I will leave and she will be penniless and destitute. I do not trust my brother
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Move out.. Your mother is enabling your brother by choice.. Your brothers behavior is your mother's problem...

Take it from someone who lived with this situation... She has and will continue this money giving to her son until the day she dies..

This is an educated statement: your brother has some type of addiction. He needs to make his own decision about getting help... Your Mom knows about it but choices to enable him..This is why he is stealing from your Mom..

Move on and take care of yourself.. Build a life with your boyfriend...
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I am not going to say, "not to leave." I think you should pack up and get out of there. This whole problem has very little to do with breast cancer. Your mom is coddling your brother. I am your mom's age. She needs to depend less on her kids and especially, quit supporting either one of you.

Do not put up with anyone that is abusive to you.

Are either of you paying rent, there?
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I too think you should go and start your life with your boyfriend.

You've tried to give your mom a heads-up when it comes to your brother. I assume you've been totally forthcoming with her about everything. She refuses to believe it. You've done all you can do. Before you move out try to sit down with her and have one more discussion, for your sake mainly, but then leave it at that.

Some might suggest calling the police but the police won't do anything, it'll be a he said/she said situation. And since your brother isn't your mom's caregiver and she's able to work and drive herself around calling Elder Abuse hotline isn't really appropriate either.

If someone told me that someone was stealing from me I'd make darn sure it was true. I'd check my accounts, keep track of my cash, etc. Apparently your mom trusts that your brother isn't doing anything wrong and you can't make her believe it if she doesn't want to. Unfortunately, her inability to believe it probably emboldens your brother more. She may learn the truth one day or she may not. You've done your responsibility by telling her. What she does with that information is now up to her.
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