It's getting to be an increasing problem to the point mom's doctor just doesn't want to deal with me. It's almost like I feel he is trying to make me go his way or it's no way as I still need his approval for any renewal of meds, etc. It's far too late in the game to change doctors, so I have to make this work. I plan on getting an appt. with the doctor just to have a heart to heart talk. Lately, I call him just for a diagnosis of what is going on with mom and what to do (mom is bedbound since falling and there are new things to deal with) and instead of giving me some direction, just bluntly tells me "well, you know she's going to die"........ I'm sorry, but I feel this is inappropriate and insensitive.....to say the least. He keeps wanting me to just go with hospice and while that may be appropriate in some situations, it is NOT for mom at this time for various reasons. (FYI---mom just fell out of bed and recovering....is happy to be alive at this time, NOT wanting to die. She does NOT have a terminal illness.) Any feedback on how you all have dealt with this would be appreciated. cadams
I wouldn't tolerate his attitude toward giving up. I assume he's not a geriatric doctor?
We had two PCPs who were lousy; only a few visits and they were history. There were also 2 internists who were more thorough but clearly didn't know how to deal with older folk and they're history now too. I've got recommendations for a geriatric doctor, so that'll be the next one, and hopefully he'll work out.
I tried to work with the doctors who are now history, but some of them weren't worth the effort. One of them insisted that my father should be taking Fosamax, and insisted that he "has to take something!" Never once did he raise the issue that walking is the best exercise for osteoporosis. Nor was he concerned about the side effects of dangerous drugs like Fosmax. After a few discussions and he just couldn't grasp the fact that we don't see medicine as the solution for everything, and after his office failed to cooperate in getting home care, we moved on.
You can try one last time but if the doctor doesn't change his attitude, I'd find another one. It isn't worth the agony of trying to make some of the old style doctors get on board. Some of the younger doctors are so much more progressive. I love to work with them.
As to hospice, it sounds as though it might be a good idea, even though she is not actively dying. If the doctor will recommend it, it gets you a new set of medical professionals who will evaluate and support you in your keeping mom at home, and keeping her comfortable.
Many patients "graduate" from hospice because they do well.
It sounds as though there is not really a definitive dx for your mom at this point and what she needs is comfort care. That is really the definition of hospice.
Good of you to advocate for your mom. GardenArtist is right, its never too late to find another doctor. Or report this doctor the Medical Association if necessary. I know its hard to find a good doctor but its worth it. Take the time to call around and see if you can get a second and third opinion.
I DID end up changing doctors simply because mom's primary Dr.
quit the field. I have to say the new Dr., while not nearly as mature, was pretty upbeat and more positive, so you all were absolutely right on about changing drs......
Sad to report now though that mom DID pass away peacefully in her sleep the day before Hurricane Irma hit Florida. So......now I am dealing with the shock of all that and in a whole different phase.
Thanks again. cadams
www.agingcare.com/articles/palliative-care-how-it-can-help-your-aging-parent-achieve-quality-of-life-136281.htm
www.agingcare.com/articles/palliative-care-what-is-it-and-how-is-it-different-from-hospice-197744.htm
cadams
The folks who are recommending hospice are likely not aware that you already have great in-home care assistance.
I suggest you ask the care manager and/or the nurse and therapists to recommend a new PCP.
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