Mom is 85 years old, she was in the hospital for 11 days, I rescued her and brought her with me. She is getting better, but my blood pressure has gone up, my life has been given fullen to this woman. She feels I owe her for years ago, I am constantly getting her back to health, I am tired. I can't do it anymore.
I started with good intentions, my father passed, mom's memory and cognition was declining and she frankly had no real money to live alone. I look at this now and I do regret taking this on in ways since my sister and brother REFUSE to help, they just IGNORE any attempts I make to ask for their help with either giving of their homes, to allow a much needed break for us or any financial help. they constantly put me down for how I handle mother, although they will NOT step up and help at all.
meanwhile mother overspends, does things in the house I have DELIBERATLY said please ask before doing or just pls don't do that, she does it anyway! she is stubborn now, difficult and says I owe her because she "raised Me"...yet she doesn't require the same of my two older siblings! I"m now so hurt and furious and all I want is peace for my precious girls and myself. Please Help!!
I work long 10 hour days in the hospital and I never know what I'm coming home to find that she has broken, that I can't afford to fix. she shops all the time online and yet refuses to help pay any of the vast expenses we have. she has about 2000 a month coming in and it's crazy..I still pay her storage fee of her stuff (250/mo.), her cell phone (she has an iphone she went and purchased without discussing on my plan)..long story :(
She ruined my hard wood floors going behind my back ordered some oily mess, put in on my floor when i was at work ! I'm snapping inside. I have no idea how to get her out of my house and keep her safe with such limited funds. we live in canton ga
My suggestion is to ask for help. You can't do everything on your own.
My elderly mom is 86 and living with us a year now. She had been fairly independent until her fall on 9/9 13 two days before her scheduled total hip replacement. She fell and broke her neck. I lived with her for 3 months after she got out of rehab facility. She later had a heart attack and we deciding to remodel our home and have her live with us. She has had numerous falls. I have a part time counseling practice a 7 year old daughter and my husband is trying to keep his mom out of assisted living. I had a heart scare recently and it worked out ok but I need monitoring every 6 months. I empathize with you. It is exhausting and draining at times. I knew when to seek help by having a friend help me at the house. My mom is stubborn and thinks she can do more than she can...... My hope is she can stay with us unless she falls again and breaks a hip or becomes confused. I hope none of this happens. My sister offers little help. She works 60 hours a week. My mom doesn't expect me to care for her but can be impatient and demanding.... I made the decision to do this. It is not for everyone. It has affected our life tremendously. I will do this as long as I can because I choose to. I am working hard to find balance and am open to help with this.
Find resources and realize it is ok to get help and not ok to become consumed. I am learning to set limits and finding alone time. Thankfully we have a two story house.
Take care!!!!
A week ago she had a stroke (has had a few over the years) and is now deemed palliative. The RN at the NH told me we just go day by day. She sleeps all the time, barely eats, refuses to be bathed, is confused, can't speak intelligibly and is convinced her mother, who passed in 74, calls her name and is often in her room with her which I gather is quite common towards the end. I've been visiting, taking lunch to tempt her to eat something, but she's basically fading away.
What do I feel? Frankly, nothing and that's what's bothering me. I feel that I "should" be visiting every day and trying to get her to eat but it would only be out of duty and each time is another day sucked out of my life. Last evening I sat down and went over a lifetime of being the victim of her narcissism and determined I'd visit no more than once or twice a week.
My new home, a wee cottage on 2 acres in the country, needs a ton of work, I have my dog & 3 cats plus her dog and cat to care for and I'm trying to rebuild my life. Close to 65, it's my time now.
One of these nights I am just going to pack up a few things and leave for a few days. Then others will be forced to step in. Talking to them does no good as they are indifferent to the situation and feel Mom should be in assisted living (they are right) or senior housing (they are right) but they don't have to listen to her cry when I suggest it. So they say I am bringing this situation on myself.
My sister says our Mom is afraid of dying and clings to me as a life-source, thinking I can keep her alive. I think she's right. I do know she's sucking the life out of ME.