she is 83 yr old and has severe dementia. She hasn't been home which is 125 miles from here in over 50 years. She determined to go get a place to stay by herself with her furniture. I been caring for her for 4 years and she lived with me over 20 yrs. I don't know what to tell her to make her calm and realize that she cannot go back home. How do you stop her from being so angry that she not getting her way? If I can just get through her to make her understand and accept that she cannot go back. I keep telling her we'll go in a few days but I need help with this one. I am desperate and trying all my will to take care of her to the very end.
It's heartbreaking every time, but I have gotten into the habit of keeping things light and explaining that we are home, I mention the town we live in and the nieghbors around us, talk about how ong we and the pets have lived here, and subtly try to change the subject.
I believe you're right that when they ask to go home, it is because they are asking to return to the comfort and familiarity that the dementia has taken away.
I have come to understand that Mom wouldn't be happy, no matter where she was. Her sadness and anger really upsets both of us. The doctor finally prescribed medication that seems to help her mood swings, but that can be tricky and needs to be monitored closely.
The hardest thing to do is to come to terms with what is happening to our loved one. This is an awesome website to share your frustrations. Good luck, God Bless you.
Last summer and fall, we sometimes loaded into the car and went for a drive, and that did the trick.
Oh, and the funny thing is, she's continually amazed that no matter where she goes (remember, she is always in the same house; she just thinks she is in different places), her toothbrush is there! Yup, Mom, it's a toothbrush miracle. :)
"I want to go home" is really a very frustrating thing, and I haven't figured out how to deal with it all the time; I guess maybe I've come to more peace about not being able to deal with it.
Good luck.
about the requests if you can't satisfy them sometimes you just can't.