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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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You're welcome, sweetheart. And I understand the stress you are both feeling...you and your dad. How sad for you. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. And how sad for your dad, too. However, his problems don't give him the right to take things out on you. That's just what "they" do, sometimes.
I understand you needing relief from all the emotional pain and grief you are experiencing. And that is absolutely essential for you. Leave now if personal safety is an issue, going to a shelter if you have to.
But I also see your father as having legitimate needs to be addressed, as well. If he cannot fend for himself, get some help from someone in caring for his needs. (Through Social Services, APS, etc.) Then, go in relative peace, and care for your own needs. Psych meds won't take away your need for personal responsibility, and may only mask the underlying issues you need to face. Getting wise counsel may do wonders. Choose carefully! Will be praying for you.
I agree and make sure social service knows how you were treated and that you are not going back into that situation no deserves to be treated badly-good for standing up for yourself
Meanwhile, read "Elder Rage" for ideas on handling abusive parent. http://www.elderrage.com In this case, they changed the father's meds and that made all the difference.
Chrystal, sorry to hear about your trouble. Can relate. What is his diagnosis? Has he always been like this? So sad. Take care, and best wishes. Let us know how things work out for you and your dad.
AlzCaregiver, Thank you for sharing the above link.
Have you claimed him as a dependent on your taxes? Has he lived and depended on you for more than 3 months? Then yes, abandonment can be raised. But truth be told, WHO, would file that suit? Other siblings? Who currently has power of attorney? Who controls the finances? If there is any possibility of you having financial gain from leaving, then yes - it can be an issue.
First-things-first, however, he should be getting counseling or seeing a doc to see if meds or other treatment helps. And get help from social services, etc. If you're at the point of leaving, then it's also time to be bringing in help.
If he can take care of things on his "own," he has all legal control, like not having given anyone Power of Attorney, has been determined to have capacity by a physician, then he is just an adult. You can leave any adult.
Forget the "morals" of it. U.S. law gives you no special privileges as a daughter, nor does it impose any obligations.
My cousin's father became abusive and mean but he never took any meds. He was just kind of nuts. He got mad and he left the house and put on a suicide vest and blew himself up and 32 bystanders!! He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and SeeFore syndrome (he had a strange compulsion to blow himself up!). When the Al Queda boys got hold of him and told him all kinds of things they fired him up and the rest is history!! We were able to bury him in a shoe box cause he blew the rest of himself up!! It was a cheap funeral anyway ... but messy!! Hasseem el-Rafsanjani Tikrit, Iraki Republic
Hasseem, you win the Story Prize with that one. How are seniors treated in Tikrit? Are there traditional ways of which family members care for their parents when they are old and frail? I guess the tread is about abandoning a parent once you have started to care for him...in the original poster's case, because the father is abusive.
To secret sister he is legally blind and has had four eye surgeries and is diabetic, has heart disease and congestive heart failure , depression and has had his right foot amputated and two toes of his left. he cant walk wasted money on a prostetic that he dont even attempt to wear and wont help my fiance out with expenses. my mother was 50 and passed on fourth of july in 2008 and i took care of her . Me and my fiance dont need the stress being we just moved and when his father got us into the border of florida he suffered a massive heart attack so yeah i need to nip this problem before i need the pschy meds. thank you for consolement.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
I understand you needing relief from all the emotional pain and grief you are experiencing. And that is absolutely essential for you. Leave now if personal safety is an issue, going to a shelter if you have to.
But I also see your father as having legitimate needs to be addressed, as well. If he cannot fend for himself, get some help from someone in caring for his needs. (Through Social Services, APS, etc.) Then, go in relative peace, and care for your own needs. Psych meds won't take away your need for personal responsibility, and may only mask the underlying issues you need to face. Getting wise counsel may do wonders. Choose carefully! Will be praying for you.
http://www.elderrage.com
In this case, they changed the father's meds and that made all the difference.
AlzCaregiver, Thank you for sharing the above link.
Have you claimed him as a dependent on your taxes? Has he lived and depended on you for more than 3 months? Then yes, abandonment can be raised. But truth be told, WHO, would file that suit? Other siblings? Who currently has power of attorney? Who controls the finances? If there is any possibility of you having financial gain from leaving, then yes - it can be an issue.
First-things-first, however, he should be getting counseling or seeing a doc to see if meds or other treatment helps. And get help from social services, etc. If you're at the point of leaving, then it's also time to be bringing in help.
If he can take care of things on his "own," he has all legal control, like not having given anyone Power of Attorney, has been determined to have capacity by a physician, then he is just an adult. You can leave any adult.
Forget the "morals" of it. U.S. law gives you no special privileges as a daughter, nor does it impose any obligations.
He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and SeeFore syndrome (he had a strange compulsion to blow himself up!). When the Al Queda boys got hold of him and told him all kinds of things they fired him up and the rest is history!! We were able to bury him in a shoe box cause he blew the rest of himself up!!
It was a cheap funeral anyway ... but messy!!
Hasseem el-Rafsanjani
Tikrit, Iraki Republic
How are seniors treated in Tikrit? Are there traditional ways of which family members care for their parents when they are old and frail? I guess the tread is about abandoning a parent once you have started to care for him...in the original poster's case, because the father is abusive.