I am an only child with a mother who is nearing the end of her journey with dementia. She and my stepfather have been married 30+ years. He has moderate dementia.
She has issues with aspiration, incontinence, no longer speaks, doesn't recognize family, has skin breakdown and is a brittle diabetic. Pops is insisting that she will get better because the cure is around the corner.
Mom's circulation is so bad that the breakdown won't heal. Hospice has been recommended, but Pops says no that is murder. He does not have her mpoa.
The head of Medical Management says he has all right of decision making even if he is incompetent because I don't have his mpoa or hers. She seems to be saying even if incompetent he has the right to sign Mom's consents and make her healthcare decisions.
Is she right?
Again, I'm not in Texas, but would also suggest looking into an Ombudsman. I'm sure any area nursing home social worker could tell you what is available in your area. I realize this sounds dramatic, but if necessary call an ambulance and have her taken to an ER. The open areas would qualify her likely for admission and then the hospital social work staff would step in.
In short, be as proactive as possible.
I'm glad you're seeing an attorney; hopefully it's an elder attorney as they're more familiar with the issues you're facing.
I'm glad the hospital has contacted APS. Is this where the Medical Management person told you your father has decision making rights over your mother's care?
Good luck.
Your father is in denial, which is understandable. My father passed 16 years ago after a heart attack. My mother and I were at the hospital on the Friday and they said they would do a bypass on the Monday and to go home (I lived 200 miles away at the time). Somehow I knew he would pass but in my mind he wouldn't go if I wasn't there. Crazy huh? He passed in the night a few hours after we left.
My mother was in a nursing home for three years prior to her passing. From your description of your mother's present condition it is the same as my mother and she passed a short time later. There may be nothing you can do at this point. My heart goes out to you.