My mom is 82 with dementia she lives in my home for 5 months she hates living with me and wants to live alone. Her Dr. Has her on much meds but they do not stop her anger management issues. I am not capable of taking care of her anymore I have panic attacks and irregular heartbeat issues. She is combative with everyone especially me. I can't do enough to make her happy. I am ready to have a stroke. I want her to be safe in an assistant living but she won't listen. I am just overwhelmed. I need help or advice.
Can we go back a bit, please?
Why did you bring your mother to live with you five months ago? Where was she living then, and what advice did you and she receive from her doctor and/or any other health/social care professionals?
In short - what happened?
The reason for asking is that it might be best to retrace your steps and start again from what *should* have happened at the beginning. Which is, that you and your mother should have been properly briefed on what to expect, and advised about all the different options for her care. I'm guessing you got no such help, right?
Meanwhile, do not despair! Your mother's anger and complaints are to do with her illness and her feelings, and nothing at all to do with anything you've done or haven't done. You can't heal her unhappiness, so stop trying. I don't mean "stop taking care of her" - I just mean, stop expecting her to become comfortable and content, just focus on making sure her real needs are met. There will be ways forward, and in due course it will be possible to move your mother to a facility or unit or home that will offer her the right kind of support, but first of all take care of yourself. Deep breaths and a step back mentally to gain perspective.
Hugs to you. I'm glad you've come to the forum, and I hope you find it as helpful, supportive and comforting as I did.
Does mom have an elder law attorney that you could ask for advice?
If she wants to live at home, let her and then when an accident happens, and it will, place her in a home.