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I no longer have a job. I am 77 years old and have many medical need right now, many doctor appointments to go to . I have been told not to drive any longer as I had a stoke and have 99% blockage in my carotid arteries. I need her help all the time and am afraid she may loose her job because of all the time she spends taking care of me.

Andy7h1, welcome to the forum. Please note that 40% of family caregivers caring for a parent die leaving behind the parent they were caring. Those are not good odds due to the fact that caregiving around the clock is physically and emotionally draining. If your daughter passes, then what would you do?


My folks wanted me to quit my career, a career that I spent my adult life working toward and breaking those glass ceilings. If I had quit, no way my parents could pay the salary I was receiving... pay matching 401(k) funds... offer life insurance... pay for sick/vacation days... pay my health insurance (costs are higher when not part of a group insurance)... pay for continuing education.... and pay into my Social Security/Medicare.


Even though I wasn't hands-on caring for my parents (in their 90's) at that time in this journey, the stress cause cancer which turned my life upside down. That was 15 years ago, I never got back to normal. I never got to enjoy the wonderful retirement that my parents had. My parents have passed but the resentment is still pretty raw.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Andy, please complete your profile. You “have many medical needs right now”, but you give us very little idea what they are.

You don’t get much subsidised care because you no longer drive and have many doctors appointments. If you ‘need your daughter’s help all the time’, you are most unlikely to get an income for her ‘all the time’. If you need around the clock care every day of the week, 1to1 care is not economic. Your daughter needs to keep her job for her future independence. You need to look at options for a facility. More information, please!
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Shellybeau Aug 31, 2024
Margaret, I am a live-in caregiver for my 92 year old mother. I love her dearly, and she is mainly a pleasure to be around. I would caution having your daughter give up her employment and ability to have a social life. From my personal experience, I can tell you that this can be devastating for your daughter. While I appreciate that live-in facilities aren't your home, I urge you to give careful consideration to the relationship you have with your daughter and what you wish for her for her future. I had no idea of the impact on my life when I started taking care of my mom and now deceased stepdad in their home. I basically gave up the experience of having full life, one in which I can socialize, work a regular schedule and live with my husband. My house is close by, but I can't leave my mom. I did this for years with no respite care and ended up having a breakdown and being in the hospital for 2 weeks. I relapsed after many years of sobriety. Now I take off 3 days and three nights throughout the week. Finding and trusting good caregivers makes it almost not worth getting the time off. It is hugely expensive, and my mom can't do anything at home that she couldn't do in a group home or in-patient residential care. It breaks my heart that this is the situation we've created for ourselves, but I feel like it's too late in the game to move her now. She is almost completely blind and has severely limited mobility. I live in Louisiana, and the facility options are limited here in terms of quality and care. I know in Texas there are wonderful places that aren't too expensive. Not sure what state you live in. I know it's a lot to think about. My mom lived a full and exciting life, traveling the world. My 40's and 50's are the complete opposite of her experience. I'll be 60 in October. I can't even take a long day drive in fear that my husband and I need to be close by in case of a fall. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers. God bless.
The US is disgraceful in its care of its aging population. There's going to be a reckoning as baby boomers retire and need help. It's important who we put in political office.
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Your daughter needs to maintain her job momentum. If you are not on Medicaid then apply, so you can go to a NH and be cared for.

I am glad that you are considering your daughter and her future.
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Reply to MeDolly
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Your daughter can more than likely get paid through Medicaid if you are on that, and even through the VA if you are a veteran.
However it won't be anywhere near what she is making now, and she needs to continue to work so she can contribute to her Social Security for when she gets ready to retire.
I know that you don't want to interfere with that.
So in all honesty it's probably best that you instead look into getting yourself placed in the appropriate facility where you will receive the care you obviously require and your daughter can continue to work and just be your daughter and advocate and not your burned out and underpaid caregiver.
I wish you well in getting your care figured out.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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