I am the POA for my mother who was recently determined by a psychiatrist incapable of making decisions and requiring 24 hour care. I have since placed her in an ALF facility. The first week and a half was positive - she seemed to be happy and relieved to not have to "worry" about these things. Enter this week and I am presuming the reality has set in for her.
She is angry and adamant about asking for all her cards and checkbooks back. ((She is currently $7K in debt with two accounts in collections and only $20K in the bank - a lot of reckless spending when she was on her own)). Clearly, it's not in her best interest to do, especially given her social security barely covers the monthly ALF expense.
Out of curiosity, if she were to get her checks - would she even be able to sign them? I am on all her bank accounts now (thank god!) designated as her POA.
I'm not even sure your POA precludes her from signing her checks; the POA designation gives you the authority to sign for her following her wishes. Using my POA I can sign for my dad as a convenience to both of us but he also can also legally sign things himself.
I know it's hard to have to be the bad guy and have her demand that you return her cards and checks but I think you have to come up with some excuses and keep putting her off until this demand dies down. Tell her the cards were cancelled because of the bills that are due and tell her that you forgot and left the checkbook at home and will try to remember to bring it next time. And keep telling her this over and over until she stops asking.
Basically I took over managing her finances. I keep all her checks and there is one debit card: I had the bank cancel the old one and issue a new one (I never use it because I want a paper trail). Eventually she stopped caring about her money as her dementia worsened. In the beginning I felt this constant “guilt” because somehow I had to be so hard hearted about the situation for her own good. After spending a few months straightening out her big financial mess, I soon recognized I was keeping her money safe.
We all hope that the facilities that we have placed Mom have done good background checks. But like in all things, there are a few bad apples. This is one reason I would not give her checks or her CCs to her. Or money. Theft by an employee. I would have nothing of any value in her room. My Mom had nothing worth stealing in her room.
Tell her the AL does not allow residents to have checkbooks or CCs. Tell her u will bring them next time and hope she forgets you said it. If she does ask after that say "oops forgot them" Time for little white lies to satisfy her.
If you haven't already, freeze her credit cards. And yes, Mom could sign the checks and have them honored. Are you on Moms accts? Ask the bank if there was some way, because of the Dementia, you could stop any checks Mom may sign from being honored. Years ago my uncle was able to do this. He found someone was signing my Grandmother's checks (once in crayon). They gave my Uncle a pin# that he put under his signature. If not on the check, they didn't cash it. Seems Gma had a book of checks my Uncle missed when he took her banking stuff out of the house.
Your POA makes you Moms representative. As such, its your responsibility to protect what assets she has. If by doing that you don't allow her excess to her bank accts and charge cards, so be it.
(You may want to tell her that her cards have been canceled by the Credit Card Companies for non-payment. Not sure if she would understand that.)
The psychiatrist diagnosed her with a "neurocognitive disorder" - supported by displaying behavior that is borderline mania, pressured speech and flight of ideas. They would not release her without 24 hour care of which my husband and I are not able to provide and luckily, I was able to get her into an ALF that coincidentally is down the street from my home within a few days.
She seems to be more stable now on medication but I still notice the pressured speech, anger and confusion (i.e. She was yelling at me today that she has Medicaid - she doesn't- and that she couldn't be bothered with me and walked back into her room. Then, later texted me that I have no right to have her cards, etc.). But yet, she still remembers that she has been asking me for her check books!
I'm on all of checking accounts now but still waiting on the credit cards so i can get rid of them. My guess is that reality has set in and she is hating that her independence is being taken away.
I'm meeting with the head nurse tomorrow to discuss care plan as I need some help validating these things with her. I know it's my job to be the bad guy now but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I have two children! :/
You, as POA, are to make decisions and do for her as she would have done while in excellent mental and physical health. (I always tried to ask myself “if my mom could see herself as she is right now, what would she do?” She filled out paperwork with her will and I read through that often to remind myself what she wanted and to help me be strong in doing what I know she would have wanted-that’s why she made me POA.)
Keeping her money & things secure and having the best care possible is you doing your part for what she NEEDS.
Technically, since you're on the account, too, you could drain it, close it, and open one in your name only with the funds. However, that's probably not the thing to do if Medicaid might get involved someday. (I'm not a Medicaid expert.)
The most practical thing to do is to get all that stuff away from her, but the bank needs to have it in writing as to what their responsibilities are here, too.
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