My husband’s grandmother was going to lose her home in foreclosure. She was behind on payments, there were liens, etc. She reached out to my husband having no other options. Hubby ended up paying off all her debts and was given a portion of ownership. Meanwhile other family members were living there for free, vandalizing, hoarding, bed bugs /rats, destroying the property. Grandma often needed financial bail outs bc of the freeloading family. Needing pest control, major repairs, new electric, new plumbing, thousands in past due utilities that were getting shut off, my hubby paid for it all. Eventually it was too much for our family with two small children and hubby approached grandma with an idea to build a rental on property to generate income to help with expenses. This was going to be extremely costly and hubby would only do it if he took over 100% ownership of property which grandma happily agreed knowing he provides her with everything. FYI, when hubby was just part owner, hubby was the only beneficiary to the property so after grandma passed it would have gone to him anyway. So hubby built and fixed up the entire property including the original home. Now the freeloading family sees this as valuable and have sent attorneys (to no avail) to try to get something. They also cause disturbances to the tenants and they continue to trash the property. They won’t allow us to speak with grandma anymore so I’m not sure if they’ve influenced grandma to be upset with hubby. Now, on top of the regular repairs, maintenance and utilities, we have attorneys fees. We can’t afford to keep up with all this craziness. The freeloaders do care for her as far as making her food but they also constantly lose their temper and have even hit her at least once for certain. The freeloading family includes my hubby's mother making this situation even messier. Grandma has always wanted to stay in her home but we can’t keep up with these expenses and are not willing to pay for these people who are putting us in an expensive legal situation. We thought of moving grandma in with us or getting grandma a live-in caregiver. Either way we definitely want to get rid of the freeloaders. Both options would really upset grandma bc she loves the freeloaders very much and can’t understand why we won’t just continue to pay for it all. It would probably be better if we could explain things face to face but we aren’t welcomed to our own property at this time. Please help me think of what the right thing to do would be. I want to make sure this doesn’t cause my family to fail but I also want to make sure grandma is happy being that this property was originally hers What to do?
I know it’s very disturbing. Anyone would be upset but do see a solution here? I don’t.
It may be best to wash your hands of this. It will only get worse if you stick around.
I’m so sorry that you became involved in their mess.
Take care and try to think of this as a lesson learned. Some people don’t change.
But I have to agree with Barb. Grandma thinks it's fine that your DH is working his socks off to allow her chaotic family to go on just as they are. It is not fine. It has to stop, not least because - with her consent, I agree - they are using her as a human shield to blackmail your DH emotionally.
The property needs to be sold so that he can shed responsibilities and entanglements he never agreed to take on. Once that's done, he and you and grandma can make decisions about where she lives next.
Either walk away or evict the whole pack, including grandma. There is no middle ground. Your family are a bunch of grifters, sad to say.
Selling the property would take care of a senior home monthly rents for her.
check out senior living near her.
Honey, this is not your battle emotionally. Perhaps financially if he is paying for her things..
He needs to work this out. You are his cheerleader.
If Grandma is too much out of it to think about this... then perhaps someone needs to do the thinking for her...
If your hubby wants to help her out, and you cannot tell hubby to stop,.....
then just try to tell him how you feel about the situation....
I am finding out, more often than not...I am closer to the "GRANDMA AGE BRACKET"... So what does that mean? Not sure...so, hopefully you have a lot of good responses....
Good deeds never go unpunished.
Grandma has hold of the rope now but so do the freeloading snakes that are clinging on with her.
This can't go on.
An investment that is not performing - you hold & wait if you see potential or you cut your loses & sell it if you don't.
I think the common sense thing is to sell asap (& let the snakes slither away). But I get that you don't want to force Grandma from her home.
Grandma has the challenge to take responsibility here. Face the music. She may not want to move, but she may need to.
So tell us about Grandma. How independent is she? Good health? Memory? Up for this challenge to take responsibility for her financial mess?