First off let me start, I'm 23 years old, I was 22 when my grandmother came to me concerned her children where attempting to move her into a home, she was 75 at the time, she passed away this Past September. I'm a Medical Assistant, and have been extremely close with my grandmother, she took me in when I was 3, and raised me as her son. My father is her youngest of four children. I went part time from my job in January of 2017, and officially had to quit to care for her full time in July/August of 2017. She lived here with us from July to her death September 16, 2017. I was not only her POA at the time but her full time caregiver. She was hospitalized 3 times due to severe UT Infections, her body had become antibiotic resistant. The over load in bacteria is what claimed her life. APS was involved twice, bank statements have been submitted twice i've been cleared of negligence twice. My father is now claiming that I stole from my grandmother, and that she was incompetent. To my knowledge and to two of aunts knowledge that statements are not valid. The issue at hand is my grandmother gave me money to use as a down payment on a home for me and her to move into. She refused to live her remainder days in a nursing facility, and could not return the home she owned due to health concerns, mold and etc. None of her children were willing to move into her home with her, and none of children offered for her to come home with them at the time. She refused to put more money into the home she lived due to a rather large tax situation that she fell into from not filing income tax for the past 6 years, she was concerned about losing money and landing in a situation that would require to stay in a nursing home. I and my family, my 2 year old and fiance were renting a small house and where in preparation of transitioning into a home that we were going to purchase from my fiances grandparents requiring no home owner deposit. However my fiances grandparents received a cash offer for the home and in this market and their age it was an opportunity they could not risk so the home was sold and we were back on the hunt for a home (my grandmother was in rehab at this point recovering from a UTI) after 26 days she was clear to leave, but had no place to go. Me and her decided to pay for an additional month, so she could continue making progress on her strength and health, and me and my fiance could continue to the hunt for a home for us all to move into. Once we found a home, we began paperwork, credit checks etc. At the time I was unaware that a POA isn't allowed to accept money. This is my fault. My ignorance. However, we never once hid the fact that my grandmother utilized this money in this way, every one of her kids were aware of it. And to this day, the two aunts who were involved in this process agree, and vouch. They do not agree my grandmother was wrong for what she did, they know it was her wish, they had conversations with her about it. My father at the time said similar things. However, after her death, and after finding that she didn't leave her home to him in the will, he and the estranged sister are pursuing me for the money my grandmother gave to us for the deposit on this home. I have no criminal record, and in my heart I felt I was doing the right thing. It was opportunity to keep my grandmother out of a facility, and an opportunity for her money to go somewhere meaningful. This gift did not leave her insolvent, between the remaining of her savings and Social Security we were still in a position to keep up tax drafts, pay bills and compensate me for loss wages (Assist the home in its debt) of the year and a half I was POA and Caring for my grandmother, two months of which I was a full time caregiver with no (Shift change, release work or help) I received about 5,000.00, a lot of people are considering this pay for the time ive put in with my grandmother as insufficient and thats why two of my aunts are not pursing the money used for the deposit on this home. I received 10,000.00 to make the home ours. That money was used for the deposit, as well buying her a bed, a tv, a walker, wedges, etc. My issue is I have no proof. I trusted bank statements to do the talking should something need to be explained, I trusted adult protective services when they green lighted my care for my grandmother. (The money from her to me reflected in the statements submitted to APS) My grandmother always told me I was doing a great job, we had many, many beautiful moments leading up to her transition. I'm not sure what my purpose was anymore coming here, support I guess? Or scrutiny. I feel like a young idiot who bit off way more than he could chew and its going to land me with a criminal record (per my dad) ive never been to court, or sued or prosecuted. Ive always been an independent self providing person, my grandmother has always helped family with things like this so it never seemed wrong. Any advice?
I’ve done so incredibly much over the last year and half for my grandmother with 0 help from the two who are now pursuing this claim. (Clean up a Tax mess, budget over spending, renew expired policies, and finally care for her 24-7 until she passed away here in the home she chose).
I hope everything works out safely, not only for the sake of my grandmother and the family that’s being drug along through this. But my son and fiancé, she continued working nearly 6 days a week so we wouldn’t need to utilize any extra money from my grandmother because of the money given to us for the home. My aunt and father fail to realize it’d have cost so incredibly much more to hire a live in, or worse leave her at the nursing home against her wishes.
Regardless the outcome. Whether I end up in some horrible hole or not. I know I did everything exactly the way my grandmother wanted. She was happy, she was safe, she was clean and for the first time in 56 years she got to live in a house not eat up with mold or infested with cock roaches (why she wasn’t allowed to return home- Dad lived there with her for 3 years in the mess and then moved into his own small clean home with his gf and left her there) ... my heart feels no guilt or shame, and I intend to return plenty of the money we received in due time in a beautiful and giving way. But not to them. Whether it’s a small fund for the great grandchildren, or an actual burial plot for her cremated remains this tax season. The money will come. And I know she’ll appreciate it. Over all I hate that my son has lost a grandparent that he adored over greed and selfishness.
Thanks all.
I know you loved your grandmother and tried to do the best you could for her. I'm sorry to hear about what has happened. I'm not sure if you can consult with an attorney about your options or a social worker.
Your thread title indicates you're being sued, but in your last post you mention waiting for the suit to happen. So I assume that thus far your father has threatened but not taken action?
If so, you have the option of a few pre-emptive actions.
1. Ask your attorney whether your father's accusations rise to the level of slander or libel. If so, discuss whether a cease and desist letter from your attorney would be appropriate.
2. If your father does sue, raise with your attorney the issue of countersuing for emotional pain, slander and libel which have damaged your reputation, etc. If you countersue, include in your request for relief reimbursement not only for damages but for out of pocket costs.
I've suggested this to someone else in your situation some time ago, and another very wise poster felt my suggestion was inappropriate. That might happen again. Each of us has different opinions.
I've found that sometimes using a big legal stick is more effective than trying to reason with people. If I were in your position, I'd find an experienced, aggressive attorney who would also aggressively represent my interests.
3. People use the threat of suit to intimidate, threaten, and inflict emotional terror on others. Turn that against your father; he might be surprised and back off.
I love the AF motto: "eyes on the olive branch, arrows at the ready." So get out your legal arrows and defend yourself.
And BTW, I hope you're documenting, listing, dating and doing a thorough job of cataloguing all the threats, as well as the specific expenditures and your father's failure to provide care for GM.
And avoid speaking with your father by phone b/c phone conversations are hard to document unless you've stated you're complying with federal statutes and notifying (your father) that the conversation will be recorded.
You are a good person, and a fine grandson--a credit to the woman who raised you.
If I understand your post, you got $15,000 from your grandmother with her knowledge and agreement to spend on what she wanted, and two of your aunts agree with that. Unless she was mentally incompetent, you had every right--indeed, as POA you had an obligation--to do what she wanted done with her money.
Unless your dad and his accomplice can prove you used this money against your grandmother's best interest when she was incompetent, they are in the wrong.
Keep knowing you did what was right for the woman who loved and raised you. Don't be afraid of the greedy ones, and don't be frightened by posts here that warn of awful things.
Let your attorney help you. My guess is that your dad and aunt won't have a case that an attorney will take once they get the facts.
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