I have been taking care of my 81 year old mother for over a year without one day off. It's been 24/7 since last May. I told her tonight I'd like to take 3 days off with my son next weekend at our river place and she is being very negative about it. My brothers will step in and help (but I had to ask....they have never offered), and I do need a break. Now, tonight, I'm feeling guilty because of her reaction. I don't know what to say to her to make it easier.
Does your mother do everything you ask her to do? I doubt it! I don't know if you have kids, but we ALWAYS have to deal with making kids do things they don't want to do.
Your mother will rant and rave and guilt you like crazy. That is her right. You still have the right to do what you need to to take care of yourself.
You can deal with some of the guilt by expressing sympathy to her. "I know you don't want me to go. You are worried you won't be safe and happy without me to take care of you. I have arranged for you to be OK without me because I love you, and I need to keep you safe. I know you will be taken care of. You're still unhappy, and I'm sorry about that. But I still need and want to get a break. I'm sorry you are not happy about this. Maybe we can do something special together when I get back. I love you, and I'll be so glad to see you when I get back."
Taking care of an elderly parent is exhausting and demanding. Perhaps your brothers will finally get a small taste of what you go through daily.
So, if your mom is like my father - unreasonable when it comes to understanding that just because we're caregivers does not mean we're their slave/personal maid....then nothing that you say to your mother will make it easier.
One of the fears that father had was that I would visit my silbings and will not come back. He told me this. So perhaps between now and your break, continue to reassure her that you will be back.
Would calling her once a day be something that you be willing to do? To be truthful, when i go off island for 2 weeks, I'm literally on vacation. I refuse to call home. I have 3 other siblings back home who just need to do their share while I'm gone.