My 86 year old mother and I have now been living in a garden home for four years. We have had minor confrontations in the past, but yesterday it really got heated. She has early onset dementia, loss of hearing in one ear(which she refuses to do anything about) yells for me and can't hear me when I answer back unless I yell back at her. Then as a result, she tells me not to scream at her. Told me I was the devil and hated her life. I cannot go on like this and neither should she. We both own the garden home so how can I convince her that moving to a retirement or assisted living community without causing more arguments.
Of late, I've taken to walking away as she gets going. I can hear her screaming behind me and I just keep going. I've talked to friends with older parents going through the same thing. Many people hit a certain age when it's impossible to reason with them. All logic falls. Being an engineer, it's my nature to find solutions and solve problems. Somethings have no solutions. You just have to minimize the damage.
Hearing loss is aggravating for both the loser and the person who again is the perpetual redundant speaker. Sigh:(( Communicate honestly, hug and forgive. xo
Regarding an ALF, I recommend taking your Mom on some tours of local facilities to get her buy in. Her needs are only going to increase and you are already burnt out so I think this may be a great option, if you can financially swing it.
Bless you.