Well, this is more of a whine than a discussion topic because I know the answer is yes, I am being petty, but it annoys the heck out of me that mom's aide feels free to help herself to our food. I'm not talking about full course meals, but a handful of peanuts here, a scoop of hummus there, sampling the fruit I have prepared for mom. This woman is here only two days a week for a total of 8 hours, I would never, ever feel comfortable taking such liberties in an employers home.
I sympathize with you. Do u have a cabinet or shelf you can set aside for snacks for the caregiver? I see no problem with her having lunch with Mom. You could make up just enough for Mom and caregiver. I see no problem in leaving notes "For dinner only" You could explain that you need to cut down on the grocery bill. I have a cabinet that is where I sort of hide stuff so things aren't eaten all at once. With someone like this, I would make sure all bedroom doors were locked. Bathroom, Moms room, kitchen and living area would be the only area she would be allowed in. Also, would leave nothing around worth money.
Good luck!
If compensating the pay isnt an option and the caregiver is a good one, I would ask that they have snack times together and id provide the snacks. It would be my way of saying thank you for taking good care of my mom. But, if it goes to the level of eating meals on my dime without some sort of an agreement, id say something and be as nice as possible, then go from there.
I work in an office, but if I worked in a grocery store, I wouldn't eat the stores food at free will, that's stealing and it's the same thing in someone's someone's home.
Of course the caregiver showed up emptihanded everyday but that was just one of many things I decided I would have to overlook - the food didn't bother me so much but drinking all my bottled water sure irked me
Another agency which I didn't use required a meal be provided even for a 4 hour shift
I have to admit that when it comes to Rainman I tend to go the opposite direction - attempts at bribery and sucking up so that the few people I trust to look after him think it's a great gig and hopefully would never consider NOT doing it.
Dad's caregivers always brought with them their own meals, but Dad would insist they sit down at the table and be with him while he ate. The caregivers weren't suppose to do that, but I didn't mind if it made Dad happy :)
But I can understand if you had saved something in the refrigerator for yourself, I have had that happen when my sig other would take something I was saving for myself... [sigh].
But I can tell you how pissed off I feel when I have sat with a dieing loved one half the night when the family comes in and cooks up breakfast and does not so much as offer a cup of coffee. Other wonderful families make sure the nurse is well fed. It takes all sorts but I soon learned to always have a snack in the car. It just underlines the need to set the rules for your expectations at the beginning
I don't think snacks would bother me so much but I can see where it would bother some. But then, you feel petty saying anything.
I get it.
What a liberty, indeed!
No, it is not okay! No, you are not being petty! Good grief.
I always made enough for my respite caregiver to share lunch with my mother, but a) that was so mother wouldn't be eating alone and b) she was *invited.* AND she always brought her own lunch, besides, she never took it for granted that she'd be catered for.
So unless yours is doing this purely in the spirit of keeping your mother company and putting her at ease, I think you should feel free to mention that it isn't what you would expect and you would prefer it if she kept her face out of your fridge, thank you very much.