I find that even after a couple of days, it is hard for me to resume my "normal" life. I am slower, tend to repeat unneccessarily. It's like I've acclimated to an alternate universe. I think if Mom was with me 24/7 I would need care in a short while.
Of course, some personalities are drawn toward certain professions, so maybe these people would be top-of-the-world perky no matter what they did. It's hard to say. But I'm comparing them with caregivers because people can get so drawn into their daily world – and that includes caregivers – that they may have trouble switching gears in other situations.
When we are constantly surrounded with a certain type of person/activity it will affect us to some degree, but we need to reacquaint ourselves with the rest of the world fairly regularly to keep in touch with reality.
I think there is a true danger in getting so drawn into the dementia world by 24-hour caregiving that depression and fear become part of our lives. Agoraphobia may become a problem if the caregiver seldom leaves the house, because it may eventually become too “foreign” to leave the house at all. Before depression or fear of going outside happens, professional help should be sought.
It does seem to me that if someone living with their loved one who has dementia is starting to feel like they are struggling to hold on to their own personality, it's more than time for respite care in the form of in-home caregivers or assisted living. The caregiver needs to get out in the world beyond caregiving to stay in touch with reality.
This is one of the most interesting questions I've seen in awhile, though I was just asked the same thing last week (in person). So, none of you are alone. Share with each other. But please do everything you can to maintain some life outside of caregiving. It's essential to your mental health.
Take care,
Carol
I've heard that Lewis, when he was coming Lincoln, insisted on staying in character the whole time (l've heard of many other actors also doing this.) If any of you saw Gangs of New York (eww!), I can't imagine him staying in character during the entire filming of that role (shivers). I've heard a lot of actors who use this style of acting actually end up having a psychological and physiological price to pay. His performances are outstanding, so his technique seems worthwhile.
By contrast, it is my understanding that Hopkins, an actor who is just as intense and just as marvelous basically walk in and out of the character during filming. And when he goes on at night as Tony, not as Dr Lecter.
My overall viewpoint is that method actors can seem to lose a little bit of reality in their process and have to exercise great control in getting a grip in order to get it back. I don't offhand know what "the other way" is called, but it seems a little more comfortable to me.
So, when dealing with infirm elders, especially dementia, I ask myself what I want to be like when I'm not taking care of them, like when there may be asleep. My answer is always Anthony Hopkins not Daniel Day Lewis. So, when I interface with my caretakee, I use Tony as my example and model my behavior after that. Which is to say, l work "my scened" in actor mode and "go home" as me (even if that just means the nextdoor bedroom.
I also try to keep on top of other things going on in the world. If only by reading, TV, computer, phone conversations. When I get tired I find myself getting iriritable and resentful.
I recently went to a picnic with friends who are very active with traveling, ballroom dancing etc. They look wonderful and are quick to smile and laugh. None of them are caregivers as I am with my 98 yr old father who lives with me. They listen to me and try to offer advice. I try not to dwell on my situation because I don't want to be a downer, especially at a social function. All of us have something going on in our lives, whether it's with parents, children, grandchildren or heath issues. I recently found out I have to have hip surgery. So this will be another thing to deal with for myself and then care of my father while I'm in the hospital and then rehab.
We do get into a rut and the way we have to deal with our parents and yes it does feel like there is a "residue" of sorts but I think that is because we no longer have a life of our own. We live and breathe caring for our parents and put off our own medical issues and wants and desires. I for one am determined to change this situation in my life and seek a college class to attend, begin working on some hobbies that I have dropped and begin a new one. I have asked another sibling to begin coming over for dinner every week and I want us to start playing cards or scrabble as fun and to use our brains a bit more. I may pull out my "Spanish Learning Tapes" and see if I can learn more words than "Hola and Adios."
I already exercise and have lost over 30 pounds on my stationary bike and feel great juicing fruits and veggies.
I guess what I am saying is I will fight this dementia or Alzheimer's the best I know how. I realize I cannot just catch it by being around it, but if I keep my brain working, learning new things maybe, just maybe, I can hold it off, be a good caretaker, and feel better about myself.
I have come to the realization that my life is passing me by and I have lost a lot of precious years with my daughter that I will never regain, so I better get busy and get back into life while I still can. Mom is just waiting to pass away, she has lost her will to live since my fathers death, I am not going to sit here and wait. I love her with all my heart and will be here everyday for her but my outlook has changed, I want to live!
People tell us to go along with the delusions but I am trying
to hold onto any part of reality that I can! I do take part in a few basic social activities but find I feel slow & out of touch with conversations...:-P Just praying this doesn't last much longer. Or I will be in need of care too! ;-)
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