My husband and I took care of his 96 year old mother for 16 months. 9 months in I was burnt out and depressed, yet my husband insisted we had to keep continuing to care for her. As of May 1st She's now in assisted living as the situation was affecting our marriage, and we were both burnt out to the point where we couldn't do it anymore and wanted to have our lives and freedom back. My husband works a job that has him leaving town a few days a week which left me on my own to take care of her. She was often times verbally abusive towards me, took advantage of me, and treated me like a slave. His sister was of no help unless we forced her to buy a plane ticket to take over for us so we could have a break. Fast forward to now our marriage is still being affected by this whole thing as she calls us several times a day, we can't get any peace. On top of it all my husband spends a pretty significant amount of time during the week at the assisted living facility with her, sometimes 4 days a week. I now often times feel like he's choosing his mother over me, help!!! We've barely been in a relationship for 4 years, married for almost 2 of those years.
My suggestion to you is to help and love his mother as much as he does. Sons are very attached to their mother and you won't change that ever. God, she is 96, be as kind as you can, do as much as you can for her and your husband will love you for it! What can be so difficult when she is not even living with you? If she's crabby, so what, she's 96! Treat her and your hubby like gold and it will all be okay. I have had my mom living with us for over five years. She is in stage 7 Alzheimer's. My wonderful husband helps me hoyer her into bed and change her diaper every night, he's the best! Hang in there, it's no where ner as bad as you think, and IF it is, your marriage problems go a lot deeper than this issue. Take it from me I am living it, and love my husband dearly for supporting me and we've
been married 38 years. Love is for better or worse, in good times and bad, support him and you'll be ok. Just my thoughts...
Don't begrudge your husband's time spent with his Mom. If that is the case, all of us caregivers would be in divorce courts. Just make sure there is time carved out for the two of you. All the best . . .
My husband and I are in our 60s and have been married a year so I understand where your relationship is. Sometimes when we inherit a new family, we have learn to accept long standing relationships and how it can all fit together. I hope all this can get settled and you and hubby can go back to being happy and continue building on your new marriage.
Also are you willing to go with him to AL, if she is abusive to you hopefully he'll see it for himself and his visits won't be so frequent..