My Mom will come live with us next week ….she is 88 and not well. My younger brother and his wife work and my sister lives away. We our re doing our house for mom so she can have some of her own space. My question is this....my siblings are handing out lots of advice but do very little to help get things ready or help give my husband some time out...I just spent 4 months caring for my Dad at my parent's home day and night while my husband cared for our 2 teen grandsons who live with us...My sister stayed away and my brother only stopped by on the weekends....So I know I should not expect a lot again, but how much say should they have in my home when Mom comes?
We have to keep in mind that while people talk, they often do not mean to be malicious. My SIL is a good person with good intentions, but she overstepped in my mind. Your family members may, or most likely will, do the same. Just keep in mind what you do and if you can sleep at night without a conscious, you are good. You are there and see what needs to be done. Others do not see the big picture, only snapshots.
Whilst you were living elsewhere giving 7/24 care to your sick dad. NO doubt running back and forth helping hubby!
Now preparing your house to bring Mother home to care for her, advanced in age and sick. Yeah, I want what you're taking. 😁
But since this kind of selflessness and energy doesn't come in a bottle, it can only come from the heart.
I know from my own experience, when I'm not helping pull the load, I'd blow in and give lots of lip service, suggestions, assessments, ask why you're doing this , not doing that, blah blah blah,
(oh, and expect a fresh cup of coffee, two equals and skim milk, please Dear)
just to make myself feel I'm helping.
Then leave without a hair out of place, a chip on my manicure, and, heaven forbid, never broke the slightest of sweat.
So to answer your question, if someone is not there to do some laundry, take the boys to a ballgame/outing, help with homework, school projects, cook meals to freeze, wash down the bathroom , teach the kids to change a tire or oil, cut the grass, clean Mother's bum, go shopping, etc...then they have NO SAY IN YOUR HOME!
Bless you for all you do. Your family is lucky to have you guys. 😇🙄
I have a cute sign hanging in the kitchen:
"Bed & Breakfast"
"You make both".
I wouldn't even bother calling them with updates, let them call, or come & visit
I want to tell you something. That as her sole caretaker, YOU are entitled to be paid by the State. If her husband was a veteran, your Mom is also entitled to not only help, but she will actually receive more money each month.
This happened in our family just recently. The VA took a lot of time, but the amount I money that they paid her, and it was retroactive back from when we first started.
We actually found out accidentally. They will NEVER tell you.So, if you get a check from the state and your Mom gets that extra money, ask your friend about hiring an aid,( off the books) like a sitter where you can have a date night with your husband.
I WOULD NOT mention this to your siblings. They won't help, they don't need to know.
May God Bless you and your family
May God bless you
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