My 3 adult children in their 60's want me to bring their father home to get him out of the home. He is 83 and can't stand or walk, has a permanent catheter inserted in his bladder and needs around the clock care. I am turning 87 and have troubling walking. I feel I'm in no condition to give him the care he needs. My kids don't see my side of things. What can I tell them?
Happy Mother's Day! Enjoy today.
How about that for telling them.
They have seen you attempt to caregive. They should be ashamed of themselves. Tell them that they are the children and if they and their spouse would like to take him in and do 24/7 care that's just fine but they should know that you will not be talking about it, assisting them in any way.
It truly is not right that you hold yourself hostage to the opinions of these children. YOU are the ones concerned here.
I would call them together and would say:
"We will speak about this once NOW and NEVER AGAIN.
I have done the best I am able to do for your father.
When it is your turn to make decisions for your spouse, and that's coming around the bend momentarily, then it will be your turn to make and live with those decisions.
You have a right to your own opinion about my choices, but I do not wish to hear them, so I am telling you that if you speak about this in my presence again I will ask you to leave, or I will myself leave you."
WHY in the WORLD do you feel you owe them an explanation. This is totally not their business.
As I said, they should be ashamed of themselves.
Or is their concern that "their inheritance" is being spent on his care?
You do not have to justify your reasons for wanting him to remain where he is.
Guilt requires responsibility and an ability to fix something while choosing not to. That's not you. The word for you is GRIEF. You are already grieving your hubby and your human limitations and now you get to grieve that your kids are --well, let's be kind and say immature.
Thanks for responding to us.
Stand up to them. On top of all else on your plate you don't need a dollop of their judgement.
Tell the kids to go spend a day with Dad in the nursing home and do all the care for him , then they will see why you can’t do it !!
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