I am the only daughter out of 4 and 1 bro that care for my mom and with no visits or no help at all. It makes me sad but nothing I can do. My husband and children also help with the care for my mom. Im having a problem my mom says untrue things against my family and I when I leave her to go to store or work. She and I are very close but she is so clingy to me that its hurting my family?
Carol
When you are talking to her, try not to argue, accuse her of lying, or reason with her. Try to comfort her. "Mother, I am so sorry that it feels that way to you. That must make you very sad. I know that Granddaughter loves you very much and tries to be helpful. It must be very scary when it seems like she is mean. Can you tell me what you would like her to do when she is with you?" I guess I'm suggesting you acknowledge her feelings and gently suggest the truth without being argumentative. This is not easy!
If you possibly can bring in some hired help to care for your mother when you are gone, that may relieve some of the stress on your family. Is mother on Medicaid? Is she eligible? Does she funds of her own or assets that could be used for this purpose.
Sadly, dementia often progresses to a point where it is very difficult to continue caring for the loved one at home. I don't know if you are there yet, but be open to the possibility that eventually what may be best for everyone is placement in a care center where everyone can visit as loving children and grandchildren, while the day-to-day care is in professional hands.
Does she have a doctor treating her dementia? Sometimes a healthcare provider very experienced in treating dementia can suggest drugs and other approaches to try at the various stages of dementia.
My heart goes out to you. Please post again and let us know how things are going in your household.