For the past year, I was working in the private home of an 84-yr-old woman who had two strokes and osteoarthritis. I worked an average of four 24-hr shifts (96 hours) back to back. I was one of up to four caregivers per week, but was the primary.
Last Friday I was fired by the patient’s daughter. She stormed into her mother’s house, went to hospital bed and ripped the sheets off it (I had purchased these for her mom), and proceeded to scream and curse at me - in her mother’s presence. She did not give me the option of packing up my possessions but grabbed up the majority of them and tossed them in a pile, including the bedding. She concluded by screaming: “Get the f*ck out! Don’t hug or kiss my mom. Just get the f*ck out!”
I am still in shock.
While she was screaming at me, she accused me of being a liberal, claimed I told people she was on cocaine and accused me of leaving her mother’s bottom “encrusted in poop.” Only the liberal accusation was accurate.
Since February I had reported to daughter a number of concerns I had about her mother’s health and care. In particular were some sanitary issues I noted with two other caregivers (aged 78), in particular leaving many smears of feces on a roll of toilet paper in guest bathroom and a pool of uncooked chicken juices on kitchen counter. Instead of addressing these problems, she accused me of being jealous of the two ladies.
But I am more concerned about her mother’s physical and mental condition. Her mom had gained a noticeable amount of weight (weighs at least 260 lbs) and was having was I observed were frequent UTIs. Mother’s tooth snapped off over 5 months ago, and daughter would not make appointment take her to dentist. Mother’s feet and legs swell significantly, and her toes were curling under and causing her pain when she walked - but no podiatrist contacted. She fell backwards and on me in February, and I called 911 because I could not pick her up. And over the past few months, I observed mother’s increasingly labored breathing, coughing and exhaustion. On Easter I told daughter I was concerned mother was experiencing Congestive Heart Failure - and was shocked to hear yes, she was aware that her mom had CHF “for a long time” but neglected to tell any caregivers about the condition.
The only professional medical care she receives is an MD who visits her every 3 months, but only takes vitals. Usually I was the only one present for these visits, not any local family members.
Mentally and emotionally, mother has depression and hasn’t left her home since Christmas. I was the only caregiver that took her out on adventures like art shows, restaurants and getting her nails done. Family visits and calls are practically nonexistent.
While in the process of grabbing my possessions and tossed them in a pile, daughter inadvertently shattered the screen on my iPad mini. Also left there were a few of my items - cooking herbs, olive oil, a curling iron, etc.
So now I’m trying to figure out what, if anything, I should do. Yesterday daughter sent me two text messages and pics of a pile of items, telling me to pick up the boxes. Included were a bird feeder and four washable piddle pads I purchased 6mo ago to try to protect hardwood floor from mother’s elderly blind and deaf dog that frequently pees & poops! Like the sheets, I’m shocked that she would remove these household items that are used daily, simply because I purchased them.
My inclination is to not respond to daughter. At recommendation of local Sheriff’s Office, I filed a complain pertaining to the destruction of iPad asking for replacement ($399).
But what about her mother? I do love her and have been concerned about her for months. Should I do anything about her, or not?
I think she is jealous. You have a relationship with her Mom that maybe she doesn't. Also sounds like Adult abuse since she does nothing to help her Mom.
Its going to look like you are calling APS because you were fired but I would call them. Explain what you said here and say you are worried about the mother. Hopefully, they are open.
Contact you local adult protective services and report your concerns.
Ask the Sheriff for an officer to accompany you to pick up the rest of your belongings.