She still lives alone and actually manages OK. She lives in Calif. and her son (my husband) and I live in Utah. She recently fell and has a really bad knee (water on it etc), has a pacemaker, got robbed, crdit cards maxed, they even wrote checks and cashed them) So it is time to move her in and take care of her. She says " NO WAY am I moving" She is very stubborn, but all I can see is her health/safety deteriorating. We have a 5 bedroom house, I've even made an area just for her, like a mini apartment. I am so frustrated and afraid, I need to get her out here. Can we force her? I'm pretty sure we can't but what can I do? What steps can I take? We've tried the sweet talk, and a little threatening-not working.
Sorry, but the pacemaker thing is funny. I mean, it's not because it probably does worry her, but it kind of is. My MIL has a pacemaker and I have to admit it's the major source of family humor. I'll have to tell her this.
But, I digress, and I'm really not trying to make light of your issue. My situation was a little easier because we were just a four-hour drive from my mom and could get over there if we really had to. If she can pay for a train ticket, herself, my mom actually found that that was a friendly way to travel. Also, if you book ahead by at least a couple weeks (more around the holidays, of course), you'll find some great prices. The downside is that the train arrives late quite often, and at any hour of the day. Some bus services have awesome deals, too. I know that if you don't have the money this might not help, but if you get to a point where a reduced fare could help, just mentioning these as options.
thanks for the advice! I will work on a visit.
I did this with my mother. It sort of worked. It was a long process and wasn't great, but it helped me understand some of the issues. In the end, it was only partially that and partially that her health declined a bit more that combined to convince her.
And if she wants to live on her own even after being a victim of crime I can't imagine what you and your husband can offer her to get her to come and live with you.
You will probably have to wait until she has a major health crisis like a fall or a bout of pneumonia. I know that makes things much harder on you and your husband but having elderly parents is a job with a lot of work involved. Nothing is ever easy.
When my dad's Dr. advised him to give up driving it took me weeks to get his keys away. We had discussions, we had arguments, I bargained with him, I pleaded with him. It was a long process and I imagine that's what you're facing, a very long process.