How do I convince my mother who has dementia to give me durable POA?

My Mother was diagnosed with Dementia and we were told that she was in the middle stage of the disease about a year ago. She has recently moved in with my husband and I and I've been trying to gently persuade her to give me Durable POA or at least add me to her Bank account. I've been paying her bills online for the past couple of years now already. She says she agrees to doing that but "Now is not the right time". My siblings have also encouraged her to do so but she gives them the same answer. She tells me that "she's not that far gone yet!" I need help in trying to convince her now before it's too late and she is unable to do so.

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If your mother is still capable of reasoning - I agree that Nomads approach is a good one.

Try explaining that right now she has choices. And, a DPOA can be set up with very specific criteria to activate it - thus keeping your mother "in charge" for as long as possible.

Continue to explain that IF something were to happen - a stroke, a fall hitting her head - whatever is the most likely and most potentially possible - occurs, that with no DPOA in place mom would become a ward of the state and a guardian would be appointed by the courts in her state. This guardian would be paid with your mothers assets and would be legally responsible for all the decision making concerning her care - including where she would live. Ask mom if she wants a total stranger making these types of decisions for her.

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In our family we just sat down with mom after she was diagnosed and said, "we love you mom. You have two choices now. You can move in with one of us and give us POA or we can proceed to a lawyer and see about getting a guardian for you, that they may or may not let one of us do. So up to you. Just know that if you want to go the guardian route, you will lose all your rights as an adult right now, where with the POA you don't lose any of your adult rights. So up to you." Not surprisingly she chose to move in with one of us and give us POA. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. It helped because all us siblings backed each other up and sat down with her united, so she knew that it was serious. We pretty much despised each other!

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When I realised my folks were declining, dads dementia increasing, I was able to get POA, wills, access to bank accounts by explaining

THIS IS JUST IN CASE ANYTHING EVER HAPPENS TO ONE OF YOU. NOTHING CHANGES NOW. YALL ARE STILL IN TOTAL CONTROL. JUST FOR DOWN THE ROAD IN CASE YOU NEED HELP SOME DAY.

Well, I've been doing bills and everything else for about 5 years beginning that very day. Otherwise utilities would have been cut off, taxes not paid and so on.

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The tougher problem is... how do you convince the notary and/or the attorney that mom is actually competent to be signing anything?

My Mom attorney explained to me that a set of simple questions are typically used. The person does not have to be fully competent.... but, they do have to demonstrate that they understand the situation AT THAT MOMENT. Simple questions...like birthday? What month is this?

If she can't answer that, she doesn't have the ability to understand what she is signing....and if she doesn't understand ... her signature is not valid.

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I'm having the same problem. But Mom says she doesn't even agree with the neurologist that she has Alzheimers because it doesn't run in her family. I was told I could get 2 letters of incompetence from her doctors to have it done, but then she already has one drawn up but not invoked. There is always a chance Mom would be coerced into fighting it in court because of the undo influence her husband is giving her. He's not a good man. I too have been handling all her financials for a year but she thinks she is doing everything. I wish you much luck but I feel the reasoning power has already been deeply affected by this dreadful disease

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Tell her that when she reaches the point of being too far gone, she will not be competent enough to legally give you or anyone a POA. If she can't understand that, then she may be too far gone already.

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How do I convince my mother who has dementia to give me durable POA?

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