I have been my Dad's POA for both healthcare and finances. He is getting a divorce from his wife and had no place to live. My sisters and I cannot and will not let him live with any of us. Our husbands say NO. My dad cannot take care of himself. He is 78 years old and has dimentia. I put him in a nursing home and he hated it. He checked himself out against drs. and my wishes. He then ended up on her doorstep and later in jail with a no contact order out on him. He can't barely walk without his walker and doesn't know anything about the 13 meds he takes. He says he will live in a motel room but has no money until divorce is settled in Oct. She wants him to have nothing and just go to nursing home and live on Medicaid. I think an assisted living would be best for him, but he cannot afford one right now and he smokes. I put him in a nursing home for now until the divorce is over. He agreed and went there. After 1 week he was calling me to bring him his car and let him go live in a motel room. I contacte his dr. and took him in for a visit to see what the dr. said. He said no to living alone and no driving until he has taken a driving test to prove he was a safe driver. He calls me every other day and says to come and get him out of there. It is a nice home and he has made friends there, even a girl friend. He changes his mind every day about things and doesn't make sense with what he says. Then he makes statements about just getting a gun and shooting her and then himself. I cannot take him out of the nursing home and let him go with no place to live, no one to give him his pills, and not safe to drive on the roads. Now his lawyer called me and said he fired me and is having paperwork drawn up so I am no longer his power of attorney. He says it is all my fault his is in the nursing home. After his divorce is final and he gets part of her wealth, he could go to an assisted living and maybe be happy there. I just cannot get him to have patience and wait until Oct. What can I do? He needs a POA from our family and no one else will have anything to do with him. Any ideas would be appreciated. I am just about to have a break down myself!
If your friend has been declared incompetent, and has a guardian (whether her daughter or an appointed guardian) then they have control of her in the way that a parent has over a minor child, as to where she lives.
I would sympathize with your friend in conversation, but try to steer the conversation towards the activities that she enjoys at the facility.
You may not be able to find out unless you have the patient's permission to know their medical information. If they have a caregiver, the caregiver probably knows the diagnosis.
And he sounds very impulsive. But you can only do so much and it sounds like you're doing what you can but if your dad is allowed to walk out of the NH on his own there's nothing you can do to stop him other than be there with him 24/7 and that's not possible. Of course that's not what you want for him but if he's being allowed to make his own choices there's not a whole lot you can do to keep him from making those choices.
So take care of YOU. Do not let this stress make you sick. If you have to go several days without seeing him in the NH then that's what you have to do. Get some rest. Mental and physical. You can't control your dad. He doesn't sound competent to me but from what you wrote this behavior of his goes back a long way and everyone is familiar with it since no one will take him in. If this is how he is there's nothing you can do to change it. We can't control other people's behavior. If he walks out of the NH and starts wandering around with no money, looking for a motel, he'll end up in police custody and maybe then you can get something done. You will have proof that he's not of sound mind. But until he takes an impulsive action there's very little you can do to help him.
You are not responsible for his actions. You are not responsible for him. You can't run around all day everyday worrying about what he might do. Deal with him on a day to day basis. One day at a time. And give yourself some time to just relax and not deal with it at all.
This is VERY complicated as he has so many "powers"
I would LOVE to have a talk with the BOARD about that afternoon he tip toed in to obtain Dad's signtuares essentially giving him complete control - WHEN DAD was "not up to par" - attorney even told me "not to bother your father about anything with business - just the evening before"..
SCUM SCUM SCUM... WAKE UP FOLKS - IF any of you have NOT looked at your estate planning - DO SO - this will be the LARGEST transfer of wealth in histrory - and ultimately the majority of it going to our favorite "Charity"...
Suggestions HOW / CAN we fire this attorney now that dad IS incompetent - please dont suggest he needs a guardian... he WILL need a NEW Durable Power of Attorney.... "Technically" only the grantor of a trust (DAD) while competent is the ONLY one who CAN say "You're FIred"...''
We Stand to loose millions of dollars if this current "gentleman" refuses to quit!
Hope that NONE of you are in any crazy situation as this. Money is neutral. It is all the CRAZY things that CRAZY people do with it! Thanks!!!!! Clint
I believe that you could have your father involuntarily committed to the mental ward of a hospital where he would be completely evaluated. To do this, you must go before a magistrate and convince them that he is a danger to himself and/or to others.
It sounds like your father has had a lifetime of poor judgment and bad behavior. He has managed to alienate his children (excpet you), their spouses, his sister, and at least one wife. That kind of pervasive and intense rejection is not created by a few poorly chosen words spoken in anger. This guy has been pushing people away for a lifetime. There are consequences to that kind of behavior.
It is greatly to your credit that you are hanging in there and trying to do what is best for him. I think you need to recognize and accept your limitations in that regard. He fired you as POA. His doctor and his lawyer think he is competetent to make such decisions. Continue to visit him, if you like, but for your own sake, practice some letting go. You mention feeling at the edge of a nervous breakdown. Please get some counselling. You deserve support and understanding and help in sorting out what you can/should try to control and what you need to let go of.
Best wishes to you in this painful struggle.