My dad has been in hospice (at home) about 6 weeks and my sister and I have been planning a trip to visit relatives ..about 3 hours away from Dad. We have been putting off the trip for various reasons but lately my Dad seems weaker ..he isn't completely bedridden but close.
Yesterday he told me "we (meaning he and my mom) are going to need a lot of help pretty soon because I am getting weaker by the minute"
My dad never says things like that to anybody so it was pretty disarming.
I have been wrong before about his condition..thinking OK this is it and then he rallies and seems better.
It feels different this time and I feel uneasy leaving him. My mom would still have hospice support and my brother is also here.
Any opinions would be welcome
Thanks
My mom and brother at OK with us going on the trip. On Friday the nurse recorded my dads pulse as 38 and said his heartbeat was irregular. This has jnever happened before and that combined with what my dad said to me gave me pause. He is on a pain patch and takes some Tramadol orally. His pulse has recovered and his BP is normal. He eats very little but does continue to eat.
We are leaning towards going but the nurse comes on Wednesday and we can cancel our hotel reservation by noon on Thursday without penalty so we will see what the next couple days bring.
It may be very meaningful to you to be present when your father dies. It may be very important to be there to support your mother. If you feel this is true, then (depending on what hospice says) I'd postpone the trip to relatives.
However, if you feel your long term commitment to his care and your mother's well-being has been fulfilling and that being there at a particular moment is not that critical, then go and keep in touch by phone.
There is no "right" answer to this question, and whatever you decide is perfectly acceptable.
How would you feel if your dad died while you were gone?
Just because your dad is on hospice doesn't mean that he's going to die any minute now. What if he weren't on hospice. Would you take your trip?
My dad was on hospice. We thought he had a little more time. One night on my way home from work, about 10pm, I was zooming past the exit to my dad's nursing home. I wanted to stop in but I was just coming off a 12-hour shift only to turn around and do another 12-hour shift the next day. I opted to not stop in that night and to go see my dad the next night instead. By the time I got home and called the nursing home to check on my dad he had died. Had I stopped I would have been with him when he died. Of course I had no clue he was going to die that night so I made the best decision I could with the information I had (that I had been working back to back 12 hour shifts and would see him in 24 hours). No one held it against me and I won't admit to it to anyone but I regret it everyday and wish to God I had stopped that night to be with him.
With someone on hospice you never know when that day will happen, there's usually a guessament. My boss's wife was on hospice, and he liked to take her out for rides as she was still mobile... it was on one of these rides, they were minutes from the house, when she passed on, taking everyone by surprise [she was in final stages of Alzheimer's].