I take care of my dad. He goes to a adult day services while I'm at work he tells them I don't have food and I take all his money and he has nothing. They have been to my house they know it not true but they keep asking what is going on. I'm starting to really stress over this.
After eight years of caregiving you must be worn to a frazzle. And alas it is one of the most vicious things about caregiving for our elders that things can only get worse.
Be reassured on one point, though: do be sure that what you are doing for your father is a good and loving thing, even if love feels in short supply right now. That does not mean that you can't consider alternative care for him, especially if you're getting burnt out to the degree where you just can't do any more. But meanwhile, can you get your father seen by a geriatrician with specialist neurological/stroke training for an assessment, preferably with an MRI thrown in? My money's on vascular dementia too, I'm afraid.
And tell the staff to advise you, not interrogate you. They're the ones who've supposedly had professional training in care of the elderly, for heaven's sake.
Confabulating and Confabulations
In psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) is a memory disturbance, defined as the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.
Key factors in confabulations are there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive, and the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false.
Carers challenge: is what they say true? Confabulations become a far greater concern in the later stages, because confabulations are much more likely to be acted upon.
It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged.
Not only is memory damaged their ability to process thoughts and conversations is impaired.
Confabulations are a major annoyance and can be dangerous- when we the take everything in a discussion at face value. Confabulating is very frequently observed in people with Alzheimer's.
We all Confabulate when we make..verbal statements and/or actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations unintentionally. We must be aware of information that is blatantly false yet are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal.
PRINT THIS OUT AND GIVE OUT
I agree, he needs a neurological check up either from a neurologist which my mom had or from a gerontologist.
My mother (who has Alzheimer's), told some of her friends that my sister and I wanted to take all her money and her house away from her. This was in early stages. Of course they did not believe her because they knew she had dementia.
I strongly suggest a neurological check up.
Sounds like you are worn out. Even your nom de plume "Angry Daughter" speaks volumes. It would help if you could get out from under the caregiving for a while. Can someone come relieve you while you go lay on the beach? Or whatever your "happy place" is?
If this is a new behavior maybe call Dr. first, talk to Dad 2nd (ask why he believes you "have no food" for instance -- could be one particular item that you don't have that he wants="no food" (haven't you ever complained that there is "nothing to watch on TV" ?).
Maybe have him sit with you and do bills so he can see where his money is going.
Also talk to the people at Adult Daycare. If they have been doing this very long they've seen this before, but they've also seen neglect & abuse, so they have to ask.
Keep extremely good records of the money, just in case. Keep especially good records if any money goes to you - it's reimbursement keep the receipts and a note on the check that lists dates (ie Black nike shoes for Dad - $25, and the receipt for the shoes).
Best if you can keep your finances completely separate, so their isn't the fainest hint of fraud. If your Dad is paying part of the housing/utility, make sure he is paying no more than 50%.