First of all, I almost feel disrespectful talking about this, but my mom is extremely over weight, needs help dressing and bathing, can't put her own shoes on. She sits in her lounge chair, and watches tv and sleeps off and on, all day. I'm leaving my house and chores, to go and help my Dad, while my daughter's at school. He's so feeble, ( and mentally I see that he's slipping) trying to go up and down steps, doing laundry,cleaning,paying bills. She doesn't even take care of her oxygen-stuff. She knows nothing about managing the portable tanks, nor could she lift them. She can't drive, even though she will argue with you, that she could 'stay awake' behind the wheel, because she would have "something to do". She doesn't know how to even put gas in a vehicle. She needs a walking cart to hold on to, to get in and out of places, if a wheelchair isn't available, which my Dad has no business trying to lift that cart out of the van. ...but, HOW do I get her to see this? She will tell me that she can do these things, that my Dad just jumps in and waits on her every whim..but I've heard her, he doesn't do that, she asks him. If I would point blank put him on the spot, he would fib on her behalf. It's like the person that is the most disabled, is in control. If I make my mom mad at me? His life would be miserable. So, I just bite my tongue, and short myself time, and my house, and family get shorted. (I'm not 100% healthy, but I try) ..I really need some advice on how to handle this..I'm at a crossroad, and I don't want to make a mistake, that I'll regret. ):
I hope you can get her to see her own limitations but I know that may be near impossible. Stubbornness, a lifetime of habit, a desire to do it themselves, not wanting to "be a bother" not realizing causing serious injury would be far more bothersome....
try to get their physicians involved. Sometimes they wont listen to anyone, but an authority may have some impact.
Good Luck!
I can't add much more to the good advice that previous caregivers have given you but would like to add that you must put yourself and your family first. If you fall who will be left to take care of the others?
If this means you and your husband need to detach from the situation for a couple of days or weeks then do that without guilt. Sometimes that is enough to dry of the river of denial you find yourself trying to navigate. And if your father needs a break take him with you and hire a professional companion to keep an eye on your mother while all of you are on sabbatical. Perhaps when you return, mom would be willing to listen to the Family Care Plan that the three of you have worked out and are ready to implement. This plan should include siblings, if any, and the Health Care Professionals providing care to your father and mother. You might also include financial matters such as POA and Long Term Care if it is needed. But under no circumstances should you accept things as they are now or you will wind up in the Asylum yourself.
Geriatric Care Manager. They meet with us first to address our concerns & look at options available. We introduced them to my parents as Care Managers that would help assess our needs & how we (daughter & son-in-law) could best help them.
Care Manager talked to parents privately & steered them in the direction that was best for them. The good news....they thought it was their idea. That was 4 years ago & when we reach a hurdle they are their to help us through the process.
The Cameron Group in Orlando have been my life line.
Jean