Dad started showing signs 2 years ago. I suggested then that he seek treatment, that new medications can slow the progression...but mom, who controls everything wouldn't see it. Now his illness has progressed to the point that he has become violent. The man's never had more than a speeding ticket and has always been a 'turn the cheek' kinda person. Mother has always been verbally and mentally abusive to him and he always treated her with love an respect, even when she didn't deserve it. Now he's snapping on her when she makes her comments or calls him names. He is now in jail because he tried to choak her. She thought she could call the law and they'd see she was the poor victim and tell him to be nice to her and that would be the end of it. But, he admitted the cops he did it and they arrested him. Poor man again became upset and they charged him with resisting. He's an elderly man, I'd think that law enforcement would have taken him for an evaluation, but no...they booked him. Now he sits in jail confused and frightened. He doesn't understand why he's there or that he can't see my mom. I am calling his lawyer tomorrow and seeing if I can get the lawyer to petition for a mental evaluation and for him to be released into medical care. Mom doesn't want this, she thinks he can get out come home and now go see a doc and everything will be just like it's always been. She has never worked or did much with herself. She was always his princess. He worked, cleaned, cooked and drove her everywhere to shop. Now she's morbidly obese and change drive due to lack of practice and mobility from obesity. She is having to cook and clean up after herself and she is very angry. I feel like I'm dealing with 2 children. Pray for me. Any suggestions?
This must be unbearably stressful for you; I'm so sorry!
First off, your dad needs a lawyer. He is in jail, and that is not something family is going to be able to negotiate on their own.
Having a record of this kind can keep your dad of many facilities, so you need a lawyer asap to negotiate and clear his record.
Lawyer should petition for an inpatient psychiatric evaluation, perhaps at a senior behavioral unit. And then placement where he can get the proper level of care.
Your mother needs a complete psychiatric and metabolic workup. It sounds as though there is undiagnosed mental illness, personality disorder and/or dementia going on on her side of the fence. If she couldn't work out that calling the cops might land dad in jail, she's not playing with a full deck of cards.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this!
It the police won't help directly, see about hiring an attorney.