My father is a victim of the church abuse in the 40's/50's. This created anxiety and he started drinking when he was a young teen when a normal curiosity made him realize the alcohol melted the anxiety away. Like most victims of the abuse, no one believed him. He never got extensive help or therapy for it.
Well, a fallout of the abuse is paranoia. (for lack of a better word).
He is 76 and has had paranoia/feelings of being watched (big brother type stuff) and his distrust of everyone and everything for his entire life. He currently lives in a subsidised apt. complex which is run by, you guessed it, a group which is overseen by the church. That just feeds into his paranoia. For years he has insisted managers/employees are going into his apartment when he's not home. Mind you he barely leaves the house. Less than once a month. He prob. gets the mail once a month as well which takes less than 5 minutes and he goes at night because he's antisocial. (because of the anxiety and paranoia). He has sometimes yelled at people walking past his apartment because he thinks they're spying on him. (they are simply going for a walk!). His neighbor behind him has a habit of closing the kitchen cabinets a little hard. (they are self closing). He thinks she does it on purpose. He actually tied string to one of the doors so when he's sitting on the couch and she closes a door he can open and slam his as a response. (smh). When I brought it up that it always happens between 12-2 and again between 4-6 (lunch time and dinner time) he gets downright angry........ the angry that only us kids know. It's the angry we don't want to see. He's covered his smoke alarms with socks. (He conveniently takes the socks off when matienance does their checks so he's smart enough to know what he's doing is wrong).
Over the years he has asked me about hiring a company to sweep the apartment for bugs. (seriously!). He is not rich, but what little money he has needs to last. He was one of the first tenants in the complex 18+ years ago. He's brought up the issue of indoor cameras in the past, and I usually was able to skirt around the issue and he would drop it. Well today he texted me that he wanted me to come over to help him set it up. Well, I don't want to. *I* know no one is watching him. I know he doesn't need them. I feel if I do this I am only enabling his paranoia. I feel it's no different than me giving someone money knowing they're going to buy drugs with it.
I tried in more ways than one to discourage him today explaining what he wants the camera wont do (so I'm not lying) but he already bought it. Now it seems my only option is to flat out tell him I'm not enabling him but maybe someone can recommend a different way to tell him? I know he will get angry with me like most people do whose enablers don't give in. I'm a logical thinker not an emotional one so I'm not sure what I can say to diffuse this situation and tell him I'm not giving in to his paranoia and enabling him.
I forgot to say that he also thinks all mental health professionals "are nuts" (his words) and all you have to do is say the wrong thing and they'll lock you up and throw away the key. He takes trazadone to sleep (has been for 30-40 years) and he has to do an interview once a year for the prescription renewal. He tells them what they want to hear. No matter how he is feeling. Once again.. because if he doesn't they'll "lock him up in a mental ward and throw away the key".
So basically... any help is out.
As it turns out, my sister set it up for him so I guess dad enjoys looking at himself on the camera because He has left the house maybe 4 times since I posted this in December.
Thank you for all your replies!
Many kept silent for years. If someone did speak up, they weren’t believed.
I feel horribly for your father. Did he have the opportunity to speak about his past trauma with a professional therapist?
PTSD is common about those who are abused. A therapist can help with his situation. He can take medication to take the edge off of his emotions.
You don’t mention any dementia in your profile. Do you think he would like to speak to someone about his past?
I hope your father will be able to find a solution soon and can find peace.
Did he select where he is living knowing who owns the property? This is a very sad story.