Dad passed 4 years ago in pandemic from terminal brain tumour , Mom with dementia now askes wheres my John gone? Ive said hes safe in heaven fishing over the rainbow - she says we didn't do a funeral I saud we did darling & you put a white Rose on his coffin. We were all there & I have dads ashes keeping him safe in my house (mom didn't want them) this was January 2021 she was diagnosed Oct 2022 & is still in denile. What else can I say to her apart from that he's safe in heaven?
If she's not agitated, but just can't remember, do you have something like a copy of his obituary? Or photos from the funeral (I know that's less common)?
Sometimes it does work to do therapeutic fibbing, like telling her he's off on a business trip or fishing trip -- but that might confuse her if you've already been telling her he's in heaven. It depends on how much memory she has from day to day or even throughout the day.
I'm sorry. It's a lovely thing that you've been saying to her, and it's the truth. Sometimes with dementia you just have to accept that she will keep asking. But again, if it's causing her anxiety, you may be able to help calm her with medication.
Don't think that she will not continue, as this is, of course, part of the Alzheimer's. She cannot remember; it won't "compute". So she is quite likely to continue, and you will have simply to repeat what you just told us, which seems the perfect answer to me.
If it upsets her though then I would just start telling little "fiblets" like dad is still at work but should be home later, or he's out of town on a business/family trip and will be home next week.
You have to use whatever keeps your mom calm.