Dealing with elderly narcissism/argumentative clients?
I take care of my father who is 65. He's become a lot more ornery since his decline in health, and his excessive drinking doesn't make it better (roughly 2 pints of vodka per day). He has a problem of rambling when I ask him simple questions, he becomes aggravated when I try to steer him back and focus on whatever question I ask.
His memory is shot, he does not remember conversations, what he's eaten earlier in the day, things like that. It creates arguments where he will simply keep talking over me simply until I leave the room, and then complain that I do so. I cannot tell him any issues I am having, because he compares them to his own - and he will constantly say that I have the 'easiest job in the world' by taking care of him. I have attempted explaining how taking care of another full grown person 24/7 isn't as easy as he claims, but he cute me off, and doesn't listen regardless.
The telling me I have the easiest job is probably the most irritating. I am currently scheduling all of his appointments, managing his medications, his glucose and blood pressure, communicating with his doctors about his medical machines, all the while having to cater to his every need, all of his meals, cleaning the home, emptying his urinal, managing finances, on top of trying to deal with my own issues - that of which I cannot speak to him about because he will, once again, make it about himself.
How do you deal with clients you can barely speak to because they make everything an argument, or just constantly find ways to jab at and irritate you?
He has you where he wants you and will manipulate you until his dying day to get what he wants. He will have no empathy, doesn't care if it's hard for you, and his health issues will get worse and worse. He can't focus now; alcohol has affected his brain. Forget getting him to cooperate. He can't.
Learn more about alcoholism and how alcoholics destroy themselves, their families, their future, and everything else in their path. Google is your friend.
If he's drinking two pints of vodka per day, he may not be around much longer to upset you. His organs are likely to fail one by one (with you, of course, taking care of him). You decide if you want to enable and encourage him. You don't have to do it, you know.
"Oh, but he's my dad and I have to make sure he's okay." So said millions of children of alcoholics since time began, much to their own detriment.
There was one case my sister in-law told me about her artist friend who was a heavy drinker. She told sis, that some actor from a western show she was watching came out the tv set and sat down and had a conversation with her. I was like; hello!
Please contact Al-Anon for meetings in your area. There comes a time when you will have to detach with love.
You have *chosen* to be the full-time caregiver to an alcoholic. Nothing is forcing you to remain his caregiver. As long as you continue to put his needs ahead of yours, nothing will change for you. He is only going to get worse and his needs are only going to increase.
Are you being paid a living wage to do so, so that you'll be able to retire when the time comes?
How is he getting booze? If he can get booze, it seems to me he's capable of taking care of himself in other ways as well.
You aren't dealing with a narcissist. You are dealing with an alcoholic. Go to Al-Anon at once. They will give you great education, support, comradeship and information.
Your father may have alcoholic encephalopathy and it manifest very like dementia. You don't mention any diagnosis of early dementia. You may also be dealing with simple alcoholism and alcoholic behavior.
I am afraid you will have to make decisions for your own life as to whether you wish to continue to be involved in your father's life. I would not want to be. There is no obligation for you to be. Obligation mores from PARENT to CHILD, not in the opposite direction. Your father can be reported as a senior at risk and you can tell APS you do not wish to be involved in his life. I hope you do not live with him; if you do I suggest you move. I hope he doesn't live with you; if he does I would see an eviction attorney.
You cannot fix this; you cannot change others. Your father may easily have 20 more years to live or more; don't throw yourself on his long funeral pyre.