My mother is an Independent Living home for elders with dementia. I’ve been dealing with guilt of not seeing her for past 4 months due to COVID-19.
My concern is she may have fears of abandonment, she has some understanding of the pandemic, but her cognitive thinking is fleeting. I’m in contact with her caregiver weekly, but no face to face with mom.
I provided her couple different cell phones when she moved into home so we could maintain communication, but she couldn’t master usage of either phone. We’ve had a few zoom calls, and caregiver often provides videos of mom participating in activities still I feel like this sense of guilt for not seeing her. Am I alone having these feelings?
My mother has dementia and I visited her in her MC home at least 2-3 times a week. Six months ago, I suddenly stopped coming, so of course my mother must think I've abandoned her! It's been sheer torture for me.
My dad, the healthy parent, died relatively suddenly two years ago, so he abandoned my mother. My brother doesn't much like being around old people and never did visit often, so yes, he really has abandoned her. Her sister died six years ago, leaving her as the last member of her family, so she abandoned her. I'm literally all she has left. This is my thought process.
The best I can do is try to communicate with her on the phone, which doesn't work well, and send her lots of emails with pictures of baby animals, which she likes. The staff at her place assure me she's fine. They send me pictures when they read her emails to her. I know she's OK.
This whole pandemic has definitely increased the rate of my mother's decline, and I just have to tell myself that this is the path life was meant to take. It wasn't what we planned, but neither was dementia or a nursing home. I just take a deep breath and work with what life throws at me each day.
In the meantime, have the care giver help your mom with the Zoom calls and leave it at that. You know she's being cared for, and as long as you're able to speak on the phone, your mother knows you haven't 'abandoned' her.
Good luck!