Mom is also a type 2 diabetic, suffered a broken leg and cannot walk. She requires 24 hour care, hence why we are here! She has beaten breast cancer and several other ailments equal in severity. She has battled her weight her entire life. We currently have her weight down to about 240lbs. She wears diapers and cannot hold her bladder all of the time. She is angry a lot, but is trying to be more positive.
Your words are good to hear. I have been surfing the web regarding hypochondria also. It seems that my thoughts regarding depression are possibly in line with the issue also. As for dealing with it on a daily basis... you are correct when you say, "the only thing one can do is listen and do nothing unless you believe your mom's concern to be genuine." I quit jumping a couple of months ago. I was hoping for a new angle of thought as I had gotten stuck in the rut of resentment towards Mom because of her constant need to be sick. This has been accomplished. I am grateful!
I "lifted" these suggestions on the Web:
(1) Hear her out. Hypochondriacs need to verbalize their condition; no matter how fabricated it may be. Even if you've heard it all before and know it's all in her head, listen in an effort to appear interested and concerned.
(2) Remain neutral in your response and try to keep responses nonverbal. Don't appear skeptical or overly concerned with the hypochondriac's complaints but remain supportive.
(3) Show empathy. Assure the hypochondriac that you understand their discomfort and pain. Without encouraging or discouraging their concerns about their health, appear sympathetic.
(4) Discourage the hypochondriac from surfing the Web. Internet diagnosis is a dangerous trend among the delusionally ill. Without dismissing their pain and suffering, remind the hypochondriac that self-diagnosis through Internet research is hazardous to their health.
(5) Accept their condition. Though many of the complaints are psychosomatic, hypochondria is a very real condition.
2 FOR MOM, if you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place it's because needy people equal entrapment. In these situations, the only thing one can do is listen and do nothing unless you believe your mom's concern to be genuine. To her, they all are. But if you keep jumping every time she moans and groans, you won't have the clarity of mind to see things for what they really are. Put bluntly, you'll keep being manipulated because you don't allow yourself the time to weed out the BS ... and live your own life.
-- ED
Does anyone else feel that perhaps the hypochondria and need to manipulate are signs of depression? Is is possible that she goes this route because she is no longer in control and this behavior somehow gives her the premise of control? Don keeps telling me that this is not going to change and in fact will most likely get worse. I am afraid he may be right. Do I need to simply accept this behavior as normal for her? Is it a mental disorder?
But starting about ten years ago she would complain, go to the Dr. and there were really things wrong but she ignored the Dr.s advice and would just complain. So here we are with preventable problems and things just get worse. I don't know if I will ever fully understand.
Take care.
Don't feel guilty. You certainly have enough personal stuff going on being self employeed in this economy plus a student!
Go ahead & blow! Might do her some good.
I've been thru years of that with Dad. It comes & goes with him. Refusing medical treatment, the doctors are nuts or don't know what they're doing, my brotheres are idiots, the worlds gone to hell ... so many things are wrong for him.
Somehow I've made it thru many years. Now he is more content & I am not sure why. Probably b/c I moved him into my home after his prostate cancer required a full time catheter. I became tired of racing to his senior living apt. to empty it when he couldn't seem too or running him to the ER when he developed a UTI - always at 3 AM.
Another thing that altered his personality was chronic 'silent' UTI's. I don't know how he didn't hurt from them b/c my personal experience was painful, but I understand many seniors suffer not realizing they have them.
Major personality changes & dilusions. Might be something to check.
I could usually tell by the 'aroma' of his urine plus his eratic behavior.
Often during hot weather the conversation in the dining room of his complex would be about whose taking what for their latest UTI. That generation would neglect to drink water, become dehydrated & pass out.
One of the hardest things is caring for someone who has given up caring for themself.
They often are frustrated & refuse to think you might be as frustrated as they are.
Is she mentally sound?
My dad still blasts at me for the stupidest things. Now I blast right back, when appropriate. We are major animal lovers. One thing I said that seemed to wake him up is that he speaks so kindly to the animals. Please address me as he would them.
Took a few repeats but seems to have made a difference.
I wish you the very best luck & hope to see more comments soon. Please don't let her attitude ruin your marriage. Elder care sure wrecked mine. Thats another story.
Hang in there lady!
Read this site. Keep contributing. I'm new here & it does help to know so many are in similar situations. Kind of eases the isolation ....
Cheers ~
Rip
Don and I both try very hard to give Mom as much love as we can. But when she does something on purpose just to stir the pot and create more attention to herself, we get frustrated. Don is far better in the tolerance department than I am! I just get so tired of her constant need to have something wrong all the time. She seems to never be content to just be healthy. Our health is good, and despite the type 2 diabetes and weight issues, so is Mom. I think part of the problem with Mom is that she is laid up. But, neither does she really try during PT. She does not like to be in pain. I think she is very afraid that she is going to fall again, but she is adamant that she is not. She was completely off of her feet for about 6 weeks after we brought her home to give the knee and ankle time to just heal. The home she was in dropped her twice while she was there. One of those falls rolled her rt ankle. It was swollen and ugly when we got her home. After being off for such a time, coming back is difficult and painful. She just continues to tell us that she is too old and she just can't do it. I lost my temper with her the other day and told her that the only reason she can't is because she wont. I feel guilty for doing this. It is my hope that someone has some ideas in handling this a little better. It is on the days that she has PT that she comes up with the most ailments wrong with her, although it is a daily thing anyway.