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It's out there, that big black cloud, just appearing on the horizon. That time of year.. whether it's Christmas or another tradition you celebrate that brings demands, expectations, families coming together, cooking, entertaining, good times or crushing stress.


Roll with it or roll into a ball?


Are you coping or crumbling?

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“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

Says it well for me.

Happy New Year's Eve everyone!
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There are NO words!
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Beatty, I can think of an F word, an S word, probably lots of words to describe the year that was.
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Well farewell December & farewell 2021 (another F word springs to mind actually..)

Welcome Janualry 2022.
I will be pleased to see you - despite the uncertainty, new challenges & the coming heat

Must roll on.
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Just spoke with one of my siblings. He’s going out for tacos and beer tonight with a group of men that have met up every December 26 for the last eight years to have a quiet celebration that it’s all over for another 364 days🤗
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ThomasY, busted! Hahahaha!
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bundleofjoy Dec 2021
busted by 94.5 year-old mom. haha :).
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Beatty, it was never my very favorite time. I feel it puts such a burden on people to make nice! They are already beating themselves up here for slamming a door. I love the cards, the lights. As an atheist I don't much do the birthday. But I refuse to do the gifts now in a family where the children are all grown up. If others do it that's fine and I can enjoy sitting and watching. I am one of those folks who has to comb it all out to the last split end, so that when we get all this much needed California rain I sit worrying about our homeless in their swamped tents. I can play that out to every other country in the middle of a civil war, a famine. My mind just "goes there" in these holidays. I love getting back to real life.
For those who love the holidays I wish them the very merriest cheer of the day, or the most peaceful and joyful of celebrations of the birth of their Christ. For me I am down to I have 365 days, should I live so long, before the next round. My present is seeing those like you who give so much joy and great advice here the live long year.
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Christmas Update.
I just couldn't resist the urge to secretly unwrap and then re-wrap presents with my name on them.
My 94.5 year old mother came out of her room and caught me. She can be stealthy with her walker. First time in 63 years.
Maybe I'll have better willpower next year....
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Llamalover47 Jan 2022
ThomasY: How great that your 94 and 1/2 year old mother is that agile with her walker!
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Thanksgiving Update.
I didn't have Turkey this year. I'm not a big fan.
My wife bought a Costco chicken,small ham, McCormak instant gravy, scalloped potatoes and a vegetable. My son and wife brought dessert, which came from Costco as well.
Everything came from Costco.
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Christmas update:
Christmas Eve Dinner: Steak, baked potatoes, fresh green salad with ranch dressing, Chocolate Satin Pie. I bought a pie because I was stressed.

Christmas Day: Christmas breakfast of eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast.
Finger sandwiches at parents ALF. Fresh fruit and cheese platter.

Thank you for starting this discussion Beatty. I used it focus and stay on track and not give into people pleasing.
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Hello everyone!
Thanksgiving update. Last Sunday the hubs and I went to my parents ALF for Thanksgiving lunch. It was a warm lovely day with a light breeze we sat outside. Turkey and ham with all the fixings. Nice party music in the background.
My parents will come over for Thanksgiving lunch. Enchiladas on Friday!
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Suggestions for an easy ‘traditional’ Christmas:

1) Plan a small manageable Christmas dinner, no more than 4 or 5 people including you. The person you are caring for can’t cope with a bigger crowd, can’t hear the conversations, gets very tired. That’s probably true as well as a good excuse. Others can schedule a visit on Christmas eve or Boxing Day, or a phone call instead.
2)Work out food that’s easy, and dole out responsibility for particular things if you want to. ‘Gourmet’ icecream for desert, or microwave pudding works well. Doing this for my almost-end-of-life BIL, we did lots of little finger food savories that were small (so he could try a bite of several) and that didn’t need him to manage cutlery. Slice of ham wrapped around a stick of cucumber or asparagus, a little bit of turkey on a tiny biscuit with a dob of sauce on top, peeled prawns on a cocktail stick, that sort of thing. Easy to get ready in advance, easy to clean up, and everyone enjoyed it.
3)Forget the presents, or make a rule that they must cost less than $10. If anyone really wants to splurge, they do it separately so there are no comparisons.
4)Buy a very small artificial tree, and decorate it with just a few ‘family’ ornaments. No big tree to topple over, no buckets of water to carry, and nice memories that come up with the ornaments. I have a lovely little nativity set that comes out every year, good to prompt someone to sing a carol or two. You don't need much to make it special.

It’s a bit miserable to ignore Christmas (shades of post marriage breakup), but there’s no need to make it over-the-top. Love to all, Margaret
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As my dad has a progressive illness the reality of having a perfect Xmas will be non existent. This Xmas we will be having carers 4 X a day during the day. I'm not sure how my dad will be on that . As long as we have a Xmas tree, Xmas crackers, a nice cooked meal fitted in between carers & to watch my dad open a present will be all that we need. It's usually just me, dad , my partner & daughter anyway. My sister never involved herself in Xmas anyway. Hope you all have a happy Xmas.
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I just roll with it and try to make it low stress.
This year, I am going to try to not secretly unwrap and then re wrap presents with my name on them. I am tired of acting surprised when I open them in front of everyone.
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 2021
This made me think of my 5 year old nephew.

Every gift he opened was "exactly what he wanted" from socks, underwear, to wrestling buddies. This was several decades ago and his perfect appreciation of every single gift made that a special, memorable Christmas for everyone there.

His exact words, "Wow, that's exactly what I wanted, Thank you!"

He only lived 21 years and he left more happy memories for his family than any other person I have ever known.

So give that big surprised thank you, even if you sneaked a peak.
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Beatty: Imho, keep it as simple as you require it to be. If you cannot do it (either all or some of the holiday happenings), then just don't fret about any of it.
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Everything has changed with the Pandemic. And I like the changes. No frantic cleaning, cooking etc. After all, it is supposed to be either or both or neither a religious event and secular celebration. Never had any problems with the religious celebration, but the secular? But the secular? 2 weeks at least of cleaning, buying groceries, choosing/finding presents at the last minute and cooking, cooking....and spending Christmas washing dishes. Why not decide what you want to do and be sure you leave time for prayer, meditation, quiet time with family and friends. Our family ended the gift tradition after we had no kids to consider. Why not make a donation to a charity that will help people?
Food? Fine if you love to cook, but how about ordering in a meal? I am actually looking forward to this lightened up Christmas this year.
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 2021
Rovana, we found families that were struggling and filled their pantries. Buying full blown holiday meal items and then giving store gift cards that could only be used at that store.

Friends, church members, co-workers, almost everyone knows a family with young children that could use a bit of help.

If you want to, you can mail a gift card anonymously. Just make sure that you put a note that tells them it is a gift card and how much is on it. I found out someone I did this with thought it was a scam and threw it away. Ahhhh! That was a mess.

Bless you for thinking of others at this difficult time of the year.
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Honestly, since my parents/in-laws are gone now, I found the pandemic as a welcome break from extended family members (nieces/nephews). I don't feel the need to entertain, or expose myself to, the people who were critical and/or unappreciative of the caregiving my husband and I provided. It was extremely stressful for the last years of their lives and extended family were hurtful and jackasses.

The pandemic is still ongoing and I plan to use it as an "excuse" this year as well to not see them. I'm an introverted person and quite content to stay in. I know I won't be able to use it as an excuse in 2022 so I will savor this holiday season. As I get older, extended family celebrations aren't as meaningful anymore. And I don't get into the hype of Christmas shopping, Black Friday or massive consumerism. I'd just as soon skip November and December. Think about it. How much "stuff" do you need? I stopped exchanging gifts years ago. My adult children receive gift cards or cash. I don't know what they want. Gift cards and/or cash let's THEM decide. I don't have grandchildren. I don't need scarves, gloves, knick knacks, etc. In fact, I'm trying to get RID of that stuff so when I die, my children aren't burdened with 50 years of accumulated "stuff" that they will have to deal with (like I had to TWICE). I'd rather have a coffee gift card or a dinner certificate. Something to consume and not clutter. They would too. Win win.
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CaringRN Oct 2021
I share the same feelings like you. Since the pandemic, I have spoken to a few people(if they dare to be honest) want to forego the holidays.
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I have pared back to what is important to me and my family: smaller tabletop tree, decorations (I enjoy them after Thanksgiving until 1st week in January), presents are giving way to doing things together, worship service together, everybody helps provide for the holiday meal. I gave up doing Christmas cookies years and years ago when my girls grew up. Might revive a few cookie favorites next year when my grandson is old enough to help. Not doing a lot of parties this year with COVID still a "thing".
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Black Friday shopping (especially at Walmart) is pure insanity. I stay far away from it.
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For Christmas, we don't have too many people to get gifts for. To make it easy on myself, I usually only give gifts of $$ to the kids and lottery tickets to MIL, BIL and his girl friend. On my side of the family, I told the adult relatives to not exchange gifts. Not having the stress of gift shopping is a gift we give each other.

I think this holiday season will be lost to COVID again. I hope next year life will go back to normal. My MIL makes the best roast turkey. I really miss her Thanksgiving and Christmas eve dinners.

I think I am going to do a few bonfires in the backyard just for our family. I love bonfires, looking at the flames has a calming effect on me.

Beatty, is your sister still at the same level of mobility as last year? Has she gotten herself a caregiver? Hopefully, this sister and others still remember that you want to be a guest and not an appointed caregiver at the holiday get together.
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Oh thank you all! 🧡💛💙💜

Of course there are more options than roll with it or roll into a ball.. Roll my own! (Roll my own way that is 😁!)

BE the change I want to be etc.

I am now working on reducing the rumination over past events. As a *list person* am sorting expectations & requests into 'do-able' or 'nope'.

Thank you Isthisreallyreal for the word *nonsense*. It is now my new word for the whole season.
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Last year we didn't see our kids at Christmas because of covid. (They came to our house for Thanksgiving and we ate outside -- great weather!) We did deliver Christmas dinner and gifts to them at their apartments (they are local).

Last year we didn't do trick or treat because of covid. That was a great point to stop it, and we won't be starting that up again. We didn't do Christmas stockings last year, and I'll be happy to not start that up again, either. (I would make an exception of we had young grandchildren, but we don't.)

With the shipping delays and projected shortages, this is a great year to buy less. And although covid is decreasing in many places, by the time the holidays are here we could be in the middle of a big surge again.

I'm sure mil would love for us to travel to the old homestead. Fortunately we stopped THAT many years ago when my oldest was around 2 y/o. She overdoes Christmas, and there is no way we're going to start going there now.

Bah humbug. LOL
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Beatty, third option: own it and do what makes you happy.

We decided 20+ years ago to leave both our families have the holidays they wanted and we would go skiing.

Both our families wanted us every year and that was not possible. They live 9 hours apart and we owned a business that didn't leave us long vacations.

When they all ruined our 4 day weekend with their gripping and complaining that they didn't understand why we had to go visit others and only spend a couple hours with them, yada, yada, yada. We gave each of them our home address and said "you want our undivided attention, come visit us! Next year we are going skiing. If you feel like you have to buy us something, find a needy family and fill their pantry, that's what we will be doing."

Since then the holiday's have been true holidays for us and we get to enjoy what we love to do without getting our butts chewed.

The last year my dad was with us, we went to a state park and grilled hotdogs and baked beans for Christmas dinner. He loved it and told everyone what a great Christmas he had. No stress, warm fire and lots of laughter, the perfect menu.

Do what brings you joy and let the others have the nonsense.
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Bridger46146 Oct 2021
Hot Dogs sounds fun. My Mom always asked my sons what they wanted for Christmas dinner. They always asked for tacos. We always had a big turkey dinner with tacos for my sons.
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I’ve been kind of blah on Christmas for a long while now. I still shop, decorate, bake and cook, and attend Christmas events. So I don’t dread or hate it, I just don’t love it either. I think the switch was from seeing my children young and filled with anticipation and joy to losing my mom ( a true Christmas lover) and my children becoming teens always with some degree of disappointment over gifts. They’re all young adults now, and gratitude has definitely returned to their repertoire, thankfully, but I’m still rather blah on it all. January is always welcomed by me
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I’m actually really looking forward to the holidays this year. I need a little Christmas cheer, and nothing quite does it like seeing the faces of little ones on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

This has not been the best year. Not by far, but I still like to count my blessings. I just figure that no matter how bad I’ve got it, it’s better than a lot of other folks.
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I killed time in the NH Christmas shopping online. I’ve done all my shopping except my husband. I usually buy him books. I like the holidays, but I can understand those who don’t. Our first Christmas with babies.
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I don't care for the Holidays, but I understand some do. They're just another day.
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Christmas has been a big bust since my mom died. My family has never been all that close and we got together for the holidays for my mom. Since covid I haven't seen my family in almost two years and to be honest I'm happy about that. I wish them well and I would be there for them if they ever needed me in an emergency/health crisis. But I don't miss the stress of family get-togethers and if we have another covid shut-down this year at least I won't have to make an excuse why I can't be there.
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Cover99 Oct 2021
Can't blame you
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I see storm clouds on the horizon. Right now they appear smaller than they usually do. Right now the plans for Thanksgiving are to have lunch with my parents at their ALF. I will bring a gift basket for my parents. The day after Thanksgiving we will make our own small Thanksgiving dinner. It will just be me and my husband. Turkey enchiladas anyone? I made the sauce myself!
Christmas Eve: Spent with husband and son only. Menu not decided.
Christmas Day: Dinner spent at ALF with parents. We might eat the meal provided or I might bring a sandwich tray and fixings, cookies, cheese ball and crackers/ small veggie platter. Music will be Mitch Miller and the Gang! The Christmas gifts will be nicely wrapped. I planned all of this during the dog days of summer when I was repairing my Christmas Lights. Thanksgiving and Christmas cards already addressed and stamped. I was so down this summer.
I thought long and hard about what I want and this is it. Invisible family members not included. If oldies get grumpy we change subject or leave.
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Cute Beatty!
Planning ahead can be helpful, so your post is appreciated.

I am living in October.

I am in the group with TNtechie and Tothill.

Not borrowing any trouble from tomorrow.

Hoping you can relax, and have some fun contemplating decorating, the meal, the guests, and the meaning of Christmas.
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