I don't know what it is, but I'm convinced that after a certain age, seniors become obsessed with their bowels. So Dad has had a rough couple of days... (and so have I). Between diminished breathing due to his COPD progressing and the resulting anxiety which makes the breathing worse, he's now saying that he hasn't pooped in two weeks. I find that hard to believe, especially since he's on daily Senna and Miralax PRN. I spoke with his hospice nurse who said he's checking his bowel movements and Dad has complained lately of being constipated but they're on top of it. Unfortunately, I've missed 5 calls today (I try to leave the phone alone because this type of thing wrecks my productivity at work... should be working but typing this question...) 2 from Dad, 2 from the AL and one from the transportation person for the Adult Day Center dad visits three days a week. I've also been texting with the Adult Day Center director who's stating that Dad is saying that he hasn't pooped in two weeks and that I need to drive the hour to pick him up. It's times like these I don't know what to do. I'm thinking Dad just may not remember that he's gone to the bathroom. I'm sure it hasn't been two weeks. We're guesstimating about three days. I know this is uncomfortable, but I don't want to take Dad to the hospital for this (we went through this a couple years ago and there was a LOT of wasted trips to the ER...). The hospice guy keeps trying to keep me calm, but now I'm worried. My creative flow has been completely destroyed (again) so I might as well just go pick him up, but I will be REALLY ticked off about this. This will be my THIRD time leaving work over something (sorry to sound mean) so petty. Clogged ears and clogged bowels are beginning to cost valuable work time and productivity. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
For him to wash his face. It has poop all over it! He will never wash his hands unless I see him and make him. He acts like the water is to going to make him melt! I think he mostly just stands in the shower under the water. I am a 24/7 caregiver but I can not clean him or shower him. I had him put in the NH because I am sick and
Can’t take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of. I was told by the nursing home that I had to come get him because he did not qualify for the nursing home due to the fact that he can feed himself, go to the bathroom, and dress himself. It doesn’t
matter that he doesn’t know if he’s had lunch or dinner or even what time of the day it is. He does not have money for AL so I
Have no alternative except to take care of him. How do you 24/7
Caregivers do it??? I am at the end of my rope!!!
My DH can come out of the bathroom and not 30 minutes later he'll swear he hasn't gone. I learned to just roll with it.
Believe me, 2 weeks without a bowel movement and he'd be on the floor and unable to get up; rolling in pain. I've seen that at the hospital and it was never 2 weeks without. By the 3rd day I too have pain - the body starts cramping to rid itself of waste.
I still remind my DH that he has gone but I know he doesn't believe me. Now I just let him trek to the potty as often as he wants. "pick your battles"
Your dad is on hospice for a reason. He's in AL for a reason. He pays good money for their care so you don’t have to. If there is truly an issue AL should resolve, then contact the Director of AL or the nurse in charge of Patient Care Coordinator duties. Regular staff is not the "go to" here. Complain loud and clear that they are not to call you for every little thing and that is why he is there for them to handle it. We had the same thing happening to me and my sister and it was wearing us out. (Mostly me since I live by dad) So I totally get where you are coming from. Here’s a piece of advice my sis gave me (she’s a nurse) "if he’s not bleeding from an orifrice, or dying, it’s not an emergency." Because I began to fret Bout every little thing. Your dad is on hospice...towards end of life and unlike Cetude, I would not be concerned with him being on Miralax due to his kidney function. That’s small potatoes right now. You can not worry about every little "what if". That will eat you up. Tell them not to call you at work unless it’s a true emergency. The director can come up with a way to monitor his bowel habits...let them devise this method. If dad is calling your cell phone...block his number while you are at work. You need to have some control and NO, it’s not selfish to want some peace of mind.
PS: Good lucking giving them the medication. Some Alzheimer's people refuse to take their meds because they taste bad. Giving my mom medication which is three times a day is a major ordeal for me. I have to use every psychological trick in the book to get her to take them. The moment I wake up I know this special purgatory of mine starts and try doing this every single day--seven days a week. With no help. NO relief. But when she has her bowel movement I get a sense of relief because at least I won't have to deal with that..for another day. Like I said if you can get them in a nursing home..do it.
Hospice now has the Adult Day Center Director's contact info so they can speak directly.
I still have no idea how the director even got involved yesterday (maybe the transportation person relayed the message -- who knows), but I can't be taken away from work for that type of thing.
As for the transportation person, while I don't like being blind sided with information about Dad not being ready or in the waiting area when she arrives, I can't worry about that either.
I've talked to the AL staff about this to no avail. I asked the hospice social worker to talk to the AL staff as well about making sure Dad stays in the waiting area (he comes down early, gets impatient and goes back upstairs) until she comes.
I am working on trying to monitor the messages that drive me bananas, but it's in my nature to worry. The easiest thing would be not to get the calls in the first place.
Let's see how things go with social worker intervention.
Is there any particular reason why you will listen to your Dad, to the day care director, to your innermost fears... to anybody *except* the person who is in charge of your father's daily welfare AND knows what is actually happening with his bowels?
Stop this, Tiny. Listen to the hospice nurse, and faithfully repeat his/her EXPERT opinion if the Director calls you talking - for want of a less vulgar word - sh*t.
Is it bad that I don't want to have to deal with any of this and just do my job? So now I feel like I have to figure out what the HE** is going on. How is the Adult Day Center involved? Why am I always stuck in the middle of this stuff?
It's like a catch 22. Dad really loves the Adult Day Center, but I'm starting to think that he may not be well enough to keep going with the incidences of him losing his breath trying to get back and forth and the new revelation from the driver that she has to go inside and pick him up because he gets his time mixed up. This would devastate Dad, but that may be my only option.
and it's really a toss up on whether Dad needs Memory Care. Honestly, he's not that far gone. Hospice has classified his dementia as "Pulmonary Dementia" so he's not THAT bad compared to what I've seen in memory care facilities. To top that off, it's about $1K more a month for memory care. I just don't have that kind of money.
I was ROCKING this morning at work. I was creating and really having a good day. That's been brought to a screeching halt thanks to all of this. I'm so irritated right now. I just want to work... now my head hurts in the back and I'm seeing spots. Might as well call it another unproductive day... YAY ME!!!!