He does not return phone calls, cancels plans to visit his children and grandchildren, and lost all interest in what once brought him joy. His father passed away within the past 6 months, for whom he was the caregiver. My father has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, he is overweight, does not exercise, does not watch his diet and consumes too much alcohol. His depression increased once he retired 5 years ago. His wife has tried desperately to get him active, help him exercise and eat right. She has tried to get him involved in anything that may be of interest to him, yet he finds nothing interesting anymore. He has lost his passion for life. The man that was once my father is no longer there. He man who I thought would be the grandfather to my children is not there, either. I am at a loss as to how to reach him when he will not answer the phone and cancels all plans we make (we live an hour from each other.) His wife is becoming frustrated and seems ready to give up waiting for him to live life again. Any suggestions from anyone out there?
Ask him what does he need you all to do for him at this time and if it's ok to call him ?# days of the week, let him know that you are not going to abandon him but you will respect his desires then do so.
Your Dad is obviously a loving and caring man, how hard it must be to see him withdraw from life but I would be a knat iritating the Charles Dickens out of him to get his health on track, for he has loved ones who deeply care for him as well.
Best wishes to you all, sorry for your loss.
When my father died (I was his caregiver too), all I wanted was for people to back off and let me grieve at my own pace. Took a leave of absence from teaching, hit the road in my Chevy truck, and "isolated" in the mountains of Upstate NY. No phone, no priest, no psychiatrist trying to relate my "withdrawal from humanity" to something my mother did -- and then offer me pills to mask it all up.
A piece of his life is now gone. All of a sudden he's having to reshuffle the deck of his existence and face his pain in order to begin healing from within.
For now, I'd call once a week and leave supportive voice-mails only. "I know you're hurting Dad, but let me know if there's anything I can do. ... I love you and miss you. ... Call me when you're ready." Follow up with 1 or 2 colorful cards signed by everyone, including the kids. Crayons, hearts, you name it. He needs some color in his life, now more than ever.
If he doesn't respond within 30 days, ask the neighbors if they've seen him around. If so, knock on his door. If he doesn't open, tell him you're going to knock it down.
He might call it an intrusion. I call it an intervention.