Been taking care of mom for 2 years. She has become incontinent with her bowels.
I wanted to be a good daughter but I’ve realized she has no empathy and is so cold hearted. We fought because dr Phil had 2 sisters on who their father sexually abused them. Dr Phil was tearing the man apart when mom said those girls are just doing it for attention! She’s on the man's side! Their mom did nothing to protect them, in fact she was jealous of them.
This brought up a terrible childhood due to her married man that could not accept me since I was from another man. He was terribly abusive mentally emotionally and physical. She Never did nothing to protect us. I finally ran away at 15 and eventually lived with real father. I felt Guilty making her feel bad. So I thought I’d take care of her when she broke hip. She is in latter stages of dementia and no totally incontinent.
I’ve been trying really hard dealing with it but now that she has shown me her true colors I resent her now and not appreciative at all.
With COVID-19Tracker I go to store once a week and that’s it. I guess that’s really adding to this depression and I keep asking myself
Is this all there is??
We live in my one bedroom apt and would be hard to have nurse here.
Sorry this is so long.
But it felt good to vent!
Have you thought about finding alternate care for her, so you can work on your own life? Around the clock care with no outside help, really isn't feasible. I'd explore options for her care. There are always options.
You were neglected and abused by someone you now have become tied to--and can't get away.
BUT--there must be somewhere you can place mom and still feel good about yourself and your relationship (bless you for attempting to create a life for her, when she clearly messed you up!) start looking for a place for her to live from now on.
Even with dementia, the memories of what was--still remain and now you have no chance of closure with her. She says something nasty and even tho your 'thinking brain' says "that's the dementia", sadly, whatever mean things she says are still said and still hurt.
Bowel incontinence would be the end of my capability to care for someone in my home. You don't have to apologize for not keeping her in your home.
Actually, in a NH she would get better care--not that you aren't doing your best, but no doubt you are exhausted 24/7.
Good luck, and feel free to come back and vent any time. You are not alone in this.
It's sad that some of us no matter our age, still seek the approval from our parents that we never received growing up. We often just have to accept that it will never happen, and we have to be able to make peace with that.
Life is too short, and you MUST take care of yourself. You have a lot of living yet to do. Best wishes.